A LoK FF Authors Trouble
by Twillight Tenshi
Summary: After a looo-oo-ooong wait chapter 6 is finally here! Moebius follows the vampire leutenants, and where is Raziel and Ariel? Read the new chapter!
1. The Powers of the AP

Disclaimer: I don't own LoK.   
  
This story is based on a real story. Okay, it's not, but it could have been a real story. It was made so that FF writers of all kinds may remember that the powers they have must be treated with responsibility. Think of that when the evil writers block comes across your way and you're like 'Oh God, I have to write something before it gets me! Argh!', because if you're not careful it can have consequences!! Terrible consequences!! You are warned....   
  
(Scene opens in a great, dusty cellar room. There are red banners covering the walls, and a thousand candles lights the room. Though this could be the place for a gathering of some weird cult ceremoni only two persons are standing in the room.)  
  
Old bearded man: You have passed your test, child. I will now give thee the powers that are yours. Behold!  
  
(The old bearded man raises his hand. The figure kneeling beneath him shields herselfe.)  
  
Tenshi: Wait!  
  
Old bearded man: Huh?   
  
Tenshi: ...just before you go into any might-be dangerous stuff, can I have one question?  
  
Old bearded man: One question, child.  
  
Tenshi: Ok....who the hell are you?  
  
Old bearded man: ?  
  
Tenshi: I mean, one day I've suddently found this weird 'Easy Learn AP Internet Course! Three first months for free!' and the next thing I know is my room has changed into this creepy place, and you pop out of my computer screen!  
  
Old bearded man: Well, I thought it was pretty obius. But very well, child. I will tell you. I am the Beginning and the End. I am the Vision of Time, the Creator of Light. I am known as the Almighty.  
  
Tenhsi: Uhh......Jesus?  
  
Old bearded man: ....What? No, not Jesus! Jesus has the powers of love and joy and good stuff!  
  
Tenshi: ....which you don't.  
  
Old bearded man: Exact.......er.....um.....anyway, I will now grant you the powers of the AP, child, for you are worthy.  
  
Tenshi: The what?  
  
Old bearded man: For gods sake....A P. Author Powers.  
  
Tenshi: Ah.  
  
Old bearded man: Now.....behold!  
  
(Old bearded man waves his hands in the air to create some glowing magic, which he promptly casts on Tenshi.)  
  
Old bearded man: Voilá!  
  
(There is a glowing white flash which illuminates the room, and when it ceases we see that Tenshi has been turned into a wardrobe. Tenshi looks on the old bearded man in disbelief.)  
  
Tenshi: What??? What the hell is that supposed to mean???  
  
Old bearded man: Oops, my mistake. Heh heh, um I guess that was a bit of a screwup on my part...  
  
Tenshi: ....who the hell shouts 'voilá' when casting spells??? I mean, seriusly!!  
  
Old bearded man: ....Um, you do realize you've been turned into a wardrobe.  
  
(Tenshi looks down herselfe)  
  
Tenshi: ....Oh. Crap.  
  
Old bearded man: Don't worry, I know how turn you back. Touché!  
  
(Tenshi is her own self again)  
  
Tenshi: Are you part french or something?   
  
Old bearded man: My mother was a worker on the moulin rouge.  
  
Tenshi: She was a cancan dancer?  
  
Old bearded man: No, her biceps were too big. She was a stagehand.  
  
Tenshi: Well, thanks for turning me back. Now I'd like to know what special powers you said you've given me.  
  
Old bearded man: Allright, the AP powers are very special. Whenever you write something on a piece of paper it will become real.  
  
Tenshi: ...and?  
  
Old bearded man: Nope, that's it.  
  
Tenshi: Oh. Well that'll do just fine. I was afraid that it would be something complicated that takes years of practise and I'd screw something up which would have catastrophic consequenses to all of the earth.  
  
Old bearded man: That's a bit unrealistic, don't you think.  
  
Tenshi: Oh yeah.  
  
(Tenshi grabs a piece of paper and a pencil, then scribbels something down)  
  
Old bearded man: What are you doing?  
  
Tenshi: Shhh, wait a second....  
  
( She releases the paper and holds it forward, then stands up and wait)  
  
Tenshi: .......  
  
Old bearded man: ?  
  
Tenshi: Why ain't anything happening??  
  
Old bearded man: ......give me that.....  
  
(Old bearded man takes the paper)  
  
Old bearded man: Hmmm........'and then all the characters of the Legacy of Kain series came from Nosgoth and to Earth and lived there instead.'  
  
Tenshi: Why does'nt anything happen now??  
  
Old beared man: Because you did'nt write where to send them, so generally they can be everywhere on earth now.  
  
Tenshi: What?? NOOOO!!!  
  
(Tenshi grabs the paper)  
  
Tenshi: Dammit, dammit!! What have I done??!!!  
  
Old bearded man: Heh, kinda ironic really. You said you were afraid that you'd make some major screwup and then you actually did. Heh heh.  
  
Tenshi: You're not very upset as one who has just been told that the most bloodthirsty and powerhungry vampires of all time have been spread around the planet.  
  
Old bearded man: No. I was only afraid that this fan fiction would not have anything to do with the LoK at all.  
  
Tenshi: Tell me what to do!!! I've let a hundred maniacs loose in the world!!  
  
Old bearded man: Aqtually, according to my calculations, you've only managed to send part of the characters to earth, that is all those who appeared in the Soul Reaver series.  
  
Tenshi: How'd you know that?  
  
Old bearded man: Hello? The Almighty??  
  
Tenshi: Oh yeah. But then you can help me bring them back!!!  
  
Old bearded man: Sorry, no can do. I have to be leaving to my yearly trip to Funderworld.  
  
Tenshi: What the hell is that?  
  
Old bearded man: It's like Disneyworld, but it's much more fun. I'd gladly go for Disneyworld, but that could be one of the places the vampires might be now.   
  
Tenshi: But that makes no sense at all!  
  
Old bearded man: No, you're right, it does'nt. Now that you've begun using your powers, you'll rarely see anything that does.  
  
(The old bearded man summons a suitcase which sucks the candles, the banners and generally the whole room into it. Tenshi is standing in her own bedroom as the old bearded man takes the suitcase under his arm.)  
  
Old bearded man: Well, see you, child.  
  
Tenshi: No!!! You must help me!!! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE!!!!!  
  
(The old bearded man with the suitcase jumps into her computerscreen and dissapears.)  
  
Tenshi: Crap! I'll get you back for this, I swear! I refuse to pay for the last two months worth of AP lessons! Hah!!  
  
(The old bearded man pops his head out of her screen)  
  
Old bearded man: You already send the paycheck.  
  
Tenshi: Oh, yeah. Damn.  
  
(Later, Tenshi has been writing a piece of paper)  
  
Tenshi: There! That's the list of where everyone of the characters I know from the LoK series. They include Raziel (All three of them) Kain (vampire) Dumah, Rahab, Zephon, Turel, Melchiah (Vamps and SF), Ariel, Janos, Vorador, Moebius, The Elder God, and the random citizens of the world.   
  
(Tenshi wipes her brow)  
  
Tenshi: Allright, and now all I have to do is find them...  
  
(The door is opened, and Tenshis mom steps inside)  
  
Mom: Time for school, hon!  
  
(The door is shut)  
  
Tenshi: .....or, save the world after school. Yeah that's more likely.  
  
(At school. Tenshi sits down on her seat as the inspector walks in)  
  
Inspector: Kids, today we're gonna introduce to you your new teacher, because the old teacher has been victim of a very cruel joke. He was found drained of blood this morning. Now whoever finds the ones responsible for this can come to me and have chocolate. Have a nice day.  
  
(The inspector leaves)  
  
Tenshi: (To herselfe) Hm, how odd.   
  
(The new teacher walks in. Everyone gazes with open mouths, all except Tenshi whose eyes are just litterally about to pop out. The teacher sits down, smiling.)  
  
Janos: Hello. I am your new biology teacher. Today we are going to learn each others names and generally get to know each other. Any questions so far?  
  
(One of the students raises a hand)  
  
Janos: Yes?  
  
Student: Are those wings real?  
  
Janos: Yes, they are.   
  
(Another student raises her hand)  
  
Janos: Yes?  
  
Student: Why are you blue?  
  
Janos: Because I used to live on a snowy mountain where it was cold all the time, and I had not windows on my great balcony, so it always snowed inside.  
  
(A third student raises his hand)  
  
Janos: You over there?  
  
Student: Are you related to Papa smurf?  
  
(All the students burst out laughing at that stupid joke.)  
  
Janos: (calmly) No.  
  
(Janos jumps up from his chair and down on the student, then drains him before he can even yelp)  
  
Student: (falls down with an odd thump)  
  
(All the laughter cease)  
  
Janos: (smiling) Now let us continue. Today we are going to learn about the small, green spotted bird named....er, yes?  
  
Tenshi: I was just wondering, could you come out with me for a second?  
  
Janos: Why?  
  
Tenshi: Err.....because, I think I broke somethng out in the hall, and I was hoping you could fix it.  
  
Janos: Why don't you find one of the other teachers, or the janitor, so he could help you fix it?  
  
Tenshi: Because......er, it's my leg I broke!  
  
Janos: Oh. Well I guess I'm most qualified helping you. Allright children, sit still while I take your friend outside.  
  
(Tenshi and Janos walk out, followed by the eyes of many students who'd like to know how it's possible to walk with a broken leg.)  
  
(In the hallway)  
  
Janos: So, how did it break?  
  
(Tenshi pulls Janos down)  
  
Tenshi: My leg is NOT broken! You better listen to me now, Janos. By mistake I've send you and all the characters of the Soul Reaver games to earth, you being one of them.   
  
Janos: Um, I think you're mistaking. See, I'm your new teacher....  
  
Tenshi: For god's sake, NO! You're from a world called Nosgoth!  
  
Janos: Where?  
  
(Tenshi puts her hands on her hips and sighs)  
  
Tenshi: Allright, this could take some time. But the main point is, I have to find all of you and get you all back to Nosgoth so you're not causing trouble here.   
  
Janos: I see.   
  
Tenshi: Now I found you first which is a good thing, since you've got your wings. If we fly we can much faster find the others. You think you can carry me on your back?  
  
Janos: Allright, but you must tell me why to go to Nosgoth. See, I have a classroom full of students, and I'm going to get fired if....  
  
Tenshi: Forget the classroom!! Ah, okay, you said something about your mountain when you were in there, right? Don't you wanna go home to your mountain? Huh? Don't you??  
  
Janos: (sighs) I miss my mountain....  
  
Tenshi: Allright! Then let's get out of here before someone notices we're gone!  
  
Storyteller: Tenshi and Janos left in a hurry. Though none of the teachers had ever seen a winged vampire before none began to pursue them as they rushed away from the school. They stopped just by the road and Tenshi said;  
  
Tenshi: Er, hello? Who are you?  
  
Storyteller: Huh? Me? I'm the storyteller, of course!  
  
Tenshi: You can't be the storyteller! This story does'nt even have a storyteller!   
  
Storyteller: It does now.  
  
Tenshi: NO, it does'nt! And besides, a storyteller would have been there throughout the story! You were'nt even here in the beginning!  
  
Storyteller: Well I'd like you to find someone else with a disembodied voice who'd do a better job than I!  
  
Tenshi: Fine! I will!  
  
Storyteller: Fine!  
  
(The voice dissapears)  
  
Janos: Um....what was that supposed to mean?  
  
Tenshi: Nothing, really. Must be what the old bearded guy ment when he told me about things not making sense anymore.  
  
Janos: Who's that?  
  
Tenshi: The guy who gave me the author powers.  
  
Janos: Ah. But, if you have author powers why don't you use them to get the characters back?  
  
Tenshi: Because I want this story to last more than one chapter, that's what.  
  
Janos: I see.   
  
Tenshi: So, Janos, would you have ANY idea where one of the others might be?  
  
Janos: You know, I might know where one of them is.  
  
Tenshi: Yes!! Then let's get going!  
  
(Janos smiled brightly and grabs Tenshi, then leaps far up into the air)  
  
Tenshi: .....or flying, whatever.  
  
That's it! That was the first chapter!  
  
Turn back in some time and see if I find all of the LoK SR characters!  
  
Any feedback is warmly welcome. Remember I've got Janos with me now. You better say something nice or we might search your home for all the LoK characters you've hidden there. Yes, we know! Don't think you can fool me with your innocent eyes! I've seen you, how you act weird, especially after 11 pm! Hey, don't try and run away!  
  
Anyway, thanks for reading this chapter! 


	2. The good, the bad and the really blue

Chapter two is up up and away...here's my answers to your reviews.  
  
Skriana the Shadow Dragon: Thanks! It always nice when you get positive feedback! Hope you like chapter 2 just as well! ^_^  
  
Kaya De Crystalline: Hehe, don't know wether I think it should...after all it does come with a lot of trouble! For me at least...Thanks for your review!  
  
***  
  
(Tenshi and Janos are flying over the city)  
  
Tenshi: Allright, where did you last see him?  
  
Janos: At that cafeteria over there.  
  
Tenshi: okay, then go down there.  
  
***  
  
(They land by the cafeteria. Tenshi jumps off and ignores the strange glares on her way, then throws the door to the cafeteria open.)  
  
Tenshi: I demand to speak with the boss!  
  
Cafeteria lady: Hi. Can I get you anything?  
  
Tenshi: Your employer.  
  
Cafeteria lady: I'm sorry, but he's busy yelling at the new kid.  
  
Tenshi: Huh?  
  
(From the kitchen a lot of noise can be heard)  
  
Boss: I told you to be careful with that plate! Miss Williot was one of my best costumers and now she's never coming back!  
  
?: You should try and hold a plate with only three claws!  
  
Boss: Don't try and talk back to me, son. Else I'll fire you!  
  
?: What's the point, anyway? I only get three bucks an hour!  
  
Boss: You think there are other places that pays more? Well ok, there is, but none of which wants to hire such a skinny little demon like yourselfe! What the hell are you, anyway?   
  
?: That's it! I will not take this abuse! I quit!  
  
Boss: Fine! The exits over there!  
  
?: Goodbye!  
  
(A loud banging sound is heard as the door is shut. Raziel walks out, looking more that mildly furius and wearing an apron.)  
  
Raziel V.O: So that was it. Third time I was fired, and that on one day. Well at least I had'nt got a bootprint stuck on my butt like last time. This time at least I got to walk out myselfe.  
  
Tenshi: Raziel!  
  
(Raziel looks up)  
  
Raziel: Huh?......JANOS!  
  
Janos: Over here!  
  
(Raziel runs past the tables and meets Tenshi and Janos)  
  
Raziel: What are you doing here??   
  
Janos: I spotted you in the kitchen at my breakfast today.   
  
Raziel: Really? What did you get to eat?  
  
Janos: A teacher.  
  
Raziel: But...they don't serve teachers.  
  
Janos: No, it was the guy at the next table.  
  
Tenshi: Allright allright, we have a tight schedule to follow here.  
  
Raziel: Er, Janos? Who is she?  
  
Tenshi: I'm Tenshi.   
  
Janos: Yeah, she's the one that brought us here. She abused her new powers and screwed up our dimension, thus she send us all here from Nosgoth. She's here to work things out and get us back.  
  
Tenshi: Thank you, Janos.  
  
Raziel: Huh? Get us back to Nosgoth?  
  
Tenshi: Dear god, not again! Please tell me you remember Nosgoth!  
  
Raziel: (smiles nervously) Can't say that I do.  
  
Tenshi: Christ!  
  
Raziel: But, I did find this strange object on my way here.  
  
Tenshi: What object?  
  
(Raziel pulls out the Reaver from his cowl, watching it closely)  
  
Raziel: I don't take it out often. It has this evil glare that I'm not too fond of.  
  
Tenshi: The Soul Reaver!  
  
Janos: Actually, it's only the Reaver now! Raziel, quickly, give it to me!  
  
(Raziel hands Janos the blade)  
  
Janos: There.   
  
Raziel: Um, why can't I carry it?  
  
Tenshi: Because sooner or later it's gonna impale you and suck your soul, and if Kain ain't around you'll be in trouble.  
  
Raziel: Wait a minute.......Kain?? The bastard?? NOW I remember! God, I can't believe I'm stuck here at a cafeteria when I have to go and kill Kain!!  
  
(Raziel rips off the apron and throws it away furiusly)  
  
Raziel: Let's go! I'll make sure that he will not wake to the next morning!  
  
Tenshi: Allright! Let's go find Kain next! Um.....anyone has any idea where to look?  
  
(The two looks at each other and shrugs)  
  
Tenshi: Okay, think. You're a big nasty vampire with psychotic tendencies. You're loose in the city.....where would you go?  
  
Janos: Er.....  
  
Raziel: Um.....  
  
Janos: Hm....  
  
Raziel: ....the beach! Everyone loves the beach!  
  
Janos: For christs sake, Tenshi! We found Raziel at a cafeteria, Kain could be anywhere!  
  
Raziel: Hey! She found YOU at her school, did'nt she??  
  
Tenshi: Wait a second! Raziel! Where did you find the Reaver?  
  
Raziel: Um, I found it on my way to work.  
  
Tenshi: Which way is that?  
  
Raziel: It's somewhere down this road. I can show you.  
  
Tenshi: Allright, let's say Kain came there. The Reaver is his weapon! So, Kain must have dropped it there! Perhaps he's nearby!  
  
Janos: No time to loose! On my back!  
  
(Tenshi jumps on Janos' back while Raziel holds on to his right leg.)  
  
Raziel: Oh wait! I forgot something!  
  
(Raziel jumps off and runs into the cafeteria. Moments later noises can be heard)  
  
Boss: What are you doing here? I'm not going to.....huh? What's that thing you're.....Oh dear god! Oh no!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
(His voice is cut off by several buzzing sounds and a piercing scream)  
  
Raziel: (with the SR on his arm) There! Done! Now let's go!  
  
(Raziel jumps back on Janos' leg and he leaps into the air)  
  
***  
  
(Meanwhile, at one of the tables outside the cafeteria. Six Sarafans jump up from their seats and watches as Tenshi, Janos and Raziel makes their way down the street.)  
  
SF Turel: Drat! We lost him! That was our one chance to get the Beast!  
  
SF Raziel: No worry, Turel. We heard where they are going. We'll just follow them!  
  
SF Dumah: What a bright idea, Lord Raziel!  
  
SF Zephon: I say!  
  
SF Rahab: Ingenious!  
  
SF Melchiah: Allright, but can I finnish my lunch first?  
  
(Everyone sends SF Melchiah a death glare)  
  
SF Melchiah: What?  
  
SF Raziel: The small skinny one has got the Reaver! If we get it too it will truly please Lord Moebius!  
  
SF Turel: Mabey he'll even forget about the money we owe him for the poker night...  
  
SF Raziel: I'll take care of the Beast! The girl and the ugly small skeleton thingy will be no match for you!  
  
SF Zephon: I say!  
  
SF Rahab: Ha haa! Such a little beings does not scare us, the Great Sarafan! Did you see how ugly the demon was?  
  
SF Dumah: Yeah! Ha haa!  
  
SF Turel: Ha haa!  
  
SF Zephon: I say!  
  
SF Melchiah: He had nice hair though.  
  
SF Raziel: Shut up, you! Now let's get them!  
  
(The sarafan run down the street)  
  
***  
  
Storyteller: Meanwhile, the vampires were flying high up in the air, gazing on the city below, which was....  
  
Tenshi: You again??! Shut up already! This story does'nt have a storyteller!!  
  
Storyteller: I'm labeled 'storyteller'! That makes me the storyteller!   
  
Tenshi: No it does'nt! If it does anything it only affirms that you're not in this story, since this story does'nt have a storyteller!!  
  
Storyteller: I just want a little attention! Is that so much to ask?? Huh?? Oh, what do you care! You're the main character!! You're the one with the big ego, the one who gets all the lines just because this is YOUR story!  
  
Tenshi: That's right, it's MY story! That way I'm going to kick YOU out of it!  
  
Storyteller: I'm irreplaceable! You'll never find anyone better suited than me! You hear me???! NEVER!!  
  
(The voices dissapears again)  
  
Tenshi: I'm so tired of that voice....do you see anything Raziel?  
  
Raziel: AAAHHHH! LONG WAY DOWN!!! AAAH!!   
  
Janos: Calm down, Raziel! I ain't gonna drop you!  
  
Raziel: NOOO! I WANNA GET OOOFFF!!! PLEASE!!!  
  
Tenshi: Just answer me, dammit! Was it here??  
  
Raziel: NOO!! I.....Wait a second.....there!! It was there I found it!  
  
Tenshi: Allright! Janos, go down!  
  
Janos: I'm going down!  
  
(Janos glides down and lands softly on the ground)  
  
Janos: There. Um, Raziel, stop clenching my leg.  
  
Raziel: N-n-n-noo! L-l-leave m-m-me al-l-lone.....  
  
Tenshi: Raziel, get off Janos leg. Come on, slowly....one claw at a time....  
  
Raziel: I-I-I c-can't m-m-move! T-too s-s-scared!!  
  
Janos: He's been brutally killed twice and manipulated in every way and now he's too scared to get off my leg??  
  
Tenshi: There. See? Back safe on the ground.  
  
Raziel: T-thanks. I'm never flying again.  
  
Janos: I can't believe that guy had wings once.  
  
Raziel: I never really used them, you see. But they were some chick magnets!  
  
Tenshi: Enough with idle chatter. Let's see...  
  
(They turn around to face a big....)  
  
Tenshi: ....dance club? What the hell is Kain doing at a dance club?  
  
Janos: ...dancing?  
  
Raziel: Ah. Must get that image out of my head....  
  
Tenshi: Well then, let's get inside.  
  
(They all walk inside)  
  
***  
  
(Inside the dance club, at the bar)  
  
Kain: ...and then I schaid....I schaid...'schut up ya whiny bitsch! I ain't never heard anyone complainin' asch much asch you before!'  
  
Girl with brown hair: (giggles)  
  
Girl with blond hair: Mighty lord Kain knows to put a woman in her place.  
  
Girl with pink hair: We like that!  
  
Kain: Yeah.....scho, needlesch to schay, sche wasch pretty pisched...scho I juscht told her to schram scho I did'nt have to look at her half rotten fasche anymore...  
  
Girl with blond hair: Wow.  
  
Girl with brown hair: You are so the man, Lord Kain.  
  
Kain: I s-scho am....bartender! Another round to them fine ladiesch, and a big fat schrewdriver to me! (hic)  
  
Tenshi: Looks like he's been having a good time.  
  
Janos: That's enough now.  
  
(Janos moves towards Kain threateningly untill he stands right in front of him.)  
  
Janos: Kain!   
  
Kain: Wha'? Oh hi there, Janosch! Scho nice ter schee you again, it'sch been schuch a long time schince. Lischen, do you wanna schare a bottle with me? It'sch on me tonight.  
  
Janos: No. I'm gonna take you home now.  
  
Woman with blond hair: Aww come on.  
  
Woman with brown hair: He just got here, you know.  
  
Woman with blond hair: And we wanna hear more stories about the famous and mighty Lord Kain!  
  
Woman with pink hair: Yeah! You don't decide wether he's going or not!  
  
Kain: Yeah! Thatsch true! (hic) You don't have the right to come here and act like you're my parent or schomefing! 'Causche you ain't! I'll enjoy myselfe with thesche nice woman, and if you have anyfing to schay about that...  
  
(Kain stands up threateningly, almost loosing his balance. He's looking directly into Janos eyes, but Janos does'nt even flinch.)  
  
Janos: You're drunk Kain.  
  
(Kain steps back, offended.)  
  
Kain: I...what?? What are you talking about?? I'm (hic) totally schober!! Unlike schome people I know (hic) when I've gotten enough!! How dare you to come and (hic) schay schomefing like that!! I'll take you on myschelfe! Both of you!! En garde!!!  
  
(Kain raises his hand and waves it around on his back. Janos rolls his eyes.)  
  
Kain: Oh.....yeah. I (hic) loscht the Reaver thisch mornin'.....  
  
Woman with pink hair: Leave us alone! Else he'll take you on with his bare hands!  
  
Woman with blond hair: He told us he can do it, you know....  
  
Kain: And I (hic) can...  
  
(Then Tenshi decides it's time to leave. She runs up beside Janos.)  
  
Tenshi: Come on, Kain, you can barely stand in that condition! Challenging Janos to a fight is just plain stupid!  
  
Woman with pink hair: Who the hell are all these people? Leave him alone!  
  
Tenshi: Why don't you just shut your....and one more thing, what person with a sane mind would go paint her hair that awful colour??! Seriusly!!  
  
Woman with pink hair: Shut up yourselfe!  
  
Janos: Come on now, Kain.  
  
(Janos grabs Kain under the arms, then begins to drag him out)  
  
Kain: No! Let me go! Who'sch the uglee girl?? Releasche me, angelic winged blue demon fing!!  
  
(With some effort Tenshi and Janos succeed in dragging Kain all the way outside.)  
  
***  
  
Raziel: I see you found him.  
  
(Tenshi and Janos are both dragging a ranting Kain out of the dance club)  
  
Kain: I schaid let go of me! Oh look, there'sch Raschiel! HIIIII RASCHIEL!!  
  
(Janos makes a face)  
  
Janos: Someone shut him up.  
  
Tenshi: He's dead drunk....look at him. Now he's hugging Raziel's legs.  
  
Kain: Raschiel! I've misched you scho much! (hic) I really am schorry about that abysch fing, pleasche don't take it perschonal. Perhapsch I can make it up to you by   
  
(hic) buying you a drink...  
  
Raziel: (death glare) Can I kill him now?  
  
(Tenshi grabs Kain and drags him up against a wall)  
  
Tenshi: Allright, listen mister. You've better sober up soon so we can get on with this thing!  
  
(She only recieves a stupid, drunken smile. Then Kain begins to rant about the weather and how much he misses the sanctuary. Tenshi sighs and leaves him babbeling.)  
  
Tenshi: What now?  
  
Janos: (raised brow) Raziel, you don't seem very suprised.  
  
Raziel: You mean by Kain? I 'lived' with the guy for a thousand years. I tell you, this ain't the first time I've seen him being dragged out from a place like this. Did you know that Meridian actually has a place called 'Brothel Street'? I remember more than one night when it got pretty ugly out there...  
  
Tenshi: (quickly) Allright got ya. So do you know how to sober him up?  
  
Raziel: A hot bath used to work.  
  
Tenshi: ...  
  
Janos: But, wait.........  
  
(Raziel smirks and Janos brights up.)  
  
Janos: Ooh. Heh heh.  
  
***  
  
( Soon, Tenshi is lying on the ground with a piece of paper and a pencil)  
  
Tenshi: Allright.....'A shower appeared out of nowhere on the middle of the street'.  
  
(A shower appears out of nowhere on the middle of the street)  
  
Tenshi: He he.  
  
Janos: okay, let's get him in.  
  
(Janos and Raziel drags a highly objecting Kain into the shower)  
  
Kain: What are you doin'?? Schet me down! I can (hic) walk by myschelfe! What'sch that schtoopid fing for??? Let go!!  
  
(Janos and Raziel places him inside the shower.)  
  
Janos: This is for your own good, Kain.  
  
Tenshi: Will you have the honour, Raziel?  
  
Raziel: (grinning) Most certainly.  
  
(Raziel moves closer to the handle)  
  
Kain: I love you, Raschiel.  
  
Raziel: Shut up, you big drunk piece of garlic.  
  
(Raziel turns the handle. A ton of boiling water rains down on Kain.)  
  
Kain: Ahhhhhh...thisch isch very.......Hm? AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! BUUUUURRRRRRNNNNNNN!!!!!!  
  
Tenshi: You think it's working?  
  
Raziel: Of course it's working!  
  
Janos: Don't let him out yet!  
  
(Janos, Tenshi and Raziel blocks the way)  
  
Kain: AAAAHHHHH! TURN IT OFF!!!! TURN IT OFF!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!  
  
Raziel: Hold him!  
  
Janos: OW! It's dripping on me!  
  
Tenshi: Damn, at least you had your clanbrothers helping you back at the sanctuary Raziel! He weighs a ton!!  
  
Kain: I'LL KILL YOU!!! I'LL SHRED YOUR CORPSES INTO DUST!!! AARGH!!! I'LL TEAR YOUR FLESH APART AND BREAK YOUR BONES!!!! AAAAAAAAH! DAMN YOU!!!!  
  
Raziel: That's it!! Move!!  
  
(Raziel throws himselfe against the others, and they all fall to the ground. Kain jumps out, furiusly.)  
  
Janos: Ow.  
  
Kain: No one can defeat the mighty lord Kain! VAE VICTUS!!  
  
Raziel: NO!  
  
(Raziel stands up in front of Kain. Janos and Tenshi looks at them astonished)  
  
Raziel: We've got the Reaver, Kain! And you'll get it back if you behave yourselfe and start acting like a grownup!!  
  
Kain: You have my Reaver??? Give it to me!! NOW!!!  
  
Raziel: Promise!!  
  
(Kain glares at him for a moment, realizing he has no choice. He growls.)  
  
Kain: Allright. I promise.  
  
(Raziel narrows his eyes, enjoys that he has the upper hand for a moment, then nods to Janos. Janos hands Kain the Reaver.)  
  
Kain: My old sword.......(he kisses it)....I'll never leave you again....  
  
Raziel: It's not that I don't want to kill you.....in fact, my eager to do so just increased....but I think you ought to listen to what these two has to tell you.  
  
Tenshi: Ok, it's my fault that you are here, so I'm going to get you all back to Nosgoth. But first we'll have to find the others before I can send you back. Allright?  
  
Kain: Hmph. I guess so.  
  
Tenshi: Good. (draws a sigh in relief) Then, do you know where the others might be?  
  
Kain: Hm, don't know about the others, but I think I might know where Vorador is.  
  
Tenshi: Then he's next on schedule! Onwards, people!  
  
(The four begins to walk down the street, lead by Kain. None of them knows that they are being closely followed by a gang of Sarafans...)  
  
***  
  
That was chapter two!!  
  
Next chapter will include the vampire Vorador!  
  
And now, for all those who read and DID'NT review this chapter, remember now that THREE vampires has just joined me! And we are in pursuit by Sarafans! And.....and, um, that really does'nt have anything to do with it. Well, anyway, you better do as you're told and REVIEW!! 


	3. The last place you'd expect a vampire

Review responses:  
  
Five: Thanks for the review! I'm happy it worked out for you at last. Yes, the fanfiction net can be eeevil at times, eating your reviews like that...thanks for the review, that's what makes me keep this up! Apart from the fact that I have an urge to write this...Oh well.  
  
MortalSora: Yes, I seem to have failed realizing this before...then again, I've never played Blood Omen. I like Soul Reaver the best. But, I'm really happy you liked the chapter! Here I give you number four!  
  
Kaya De Crystalline: Oh, do I write in a special way? I never noticed! Some people write backwards, I understand if you've had trouble making any sense of that before.... No, seriusly, I'm so glad you like my fic and thanks for reviewing again! And yess, this chapter it's Voradors turn....mwehehehe...  
  
VladimirsAngel: *points an accusing finger at the closet* I SAW THAT! DON'T THINK YOU CAN--Oh wait, was that the young Kain? Oops, sorry! I'm looking for the SR cast. Don't know how young Kain got here, must have been some other AP newbie screwing up the BO dimension...anyway, if no one asks for him you can keep him, I woh'nt tell...but if you see any of the SR cast please let me know, ok? Thanks for the positive review!!  
  
***  
  
(Tenshi, Janos, Kain and Raziel are on their way down the street)  
  
Raziel: We've been walking for hours...  
  
Tenshi: We've been walking for 10 minutes, you know.  
  
Janos: (smiling) You'd think YOU of all people would have more patience, Raziel.  
  
Raziel: Yeah, but all of my patience was lost in the abyss, together with my vital organs and my sense of humor.  
  
Kain: Can we talk about something else for a minute?  
  
Tenshi: Sure. Where are we going, Kain?  
  
Kain: We're almost there...  
  
Janos: ....  
  
Tenshi: You did'nt answer my question.  
  
(They all stop in front of a church)  
  
Tenshi: Kain.....what are we doing here?  
  
Kain: We better hurry, the service starts at 10 o'clock.  
  
Janos: Are you sure you're right on this, Kain?  
  
Kain: I wish I was'nt....  
  
(All walk in, a little puzzled on Kains remark. Eventually they end in a big room with a organ playing dramatically. The priest is standing at the altar. Beside the organist and the priest there are only three old ladies in the huge churchroom.)  
  
Tenshi: Allright Kain, find Vorador.  
  
Kain: Find him yourselfe. He's the organist.  
  
Tenshi & Janos: What???  
  
(They all run up a stair leading to the huge organ, and there sits Vorador, working the keys and the pedals)  
  
Janos: Vorador, my child, what have they done to you??  
  
Vorador: Hm?  
  
(Vorador silently finnishes his music, then steps away from the pedals and turns towards Janos. The priest begins to speak in the background.)  
  
Vorador: (quietly) Oh, Janos, hi.  
  
Janos: Vorador, what on earth are you doing playing the organ??  
  
Vorador: (hissing) Stop yelling, Janos! This is a church for gods sake!  
  
Janos: (lowers voice) Allright, listen. We've got to get back to Nosgoth...  
  
Vorador: Huh?  
  
***  
  
(Meanwhile, Tenshi has gone exploring on her own)  
  
Tenshi: (Marveling at the view) This place sure is huge.  
  
Ariel: Hello.  
  
Tenshi: Huh? AAAAAHHH!!!  
  
(Tenshi stares directly into the skull-part of her face and leaps almost three feet up in the air. Everything falls into akward silence below, then the priest snorts offended at the interruption and continues his speech, a little louder.)  
  
Ariel: Can I come through? I need to get down, I'm the choir.  
  
Tenshi: How can you be a choir? You're one person....or, ghost, whatever.  
  
Ariel: The others are sick. I've got a solo, so if you don't mind...  
  
Tenshi: Wait! We have to talk! I have to get you back to Nosgoth!  
  
Ariel: If you're out to sell anything, talk to the priest. He's the boss here.  
  
(Ariel shifts into spectral and reappears downstairs)  
  
Tenshi: (loud sigh)  
  
***  
  
Janos: ....so that's the only way we can get back, you see.  
  
Vorador: I see. Hold on a moment, I have to play this hymn.  
  
Janos: No, wait! We have to get back to Nosgoth!  
  
Vorador: (annoyed) Would you at least wait 'till I'm done here??  
  
Janos: (sighs)  
  
***  
  
(Janos, Kain, Tenshi and Raziel meets at the entrance)  
  
Janos: I can't get him to come with us.  
  
Tenshi: Hmm, Ariel is here too. This is getting easier than expected.  
  
Kain: Damn. What do we do now? Vorador has clearly gone nuts!  
  
Raziel: (mutters) At least he ain't drunk....  
  
Kain: (glares at Raziel)  
  
Tenshi: We have to stay here untill the.....hm, ceremoni is over. Kain, get us some hymn books from the shelves over there...  
  
Kain: What? I'm not gonna sit here an hour and sing along to a hymn book! I thought we were going back to Nosgoth!!  
  
Tenshi: Aww, come on. I think we can spare an hour. Besides, we need to ask Vorador if he knows where the others are.  
  
Janos: You're right. We've found Ariel too. That saves us some time.  
  
Kain: Allright....  
  
(Kain mutters a curse and grabs some hymn books.)  
  
Kain: Here, there are only three.  
  
Janos: Don't worry, we can share one.  
  
Kain: Whatever, I'm not singing.  
  
Tenshi: Let's sit over there.  
  
(The old ladies stares a bit when two vampires and a Soul Reaver makes their way towards one of the middle benches. Tenshi pretends she does'nt notice and sits down. Tenshi and Raziel opens their hymn books, and Janos opens his up for Kain to see. Kain rolls his eyes.  
  
The organ begins to play, and Ariel starts to sing. It's terribly off key. Kain can't supress a yell, and he and the others throws their hands to their ears. It sounds absolutely horrible.)  
  
Raziel: (moans) What is that terrible noise??  
  
Tenshi: That's Ariel singing!  
  
Kain: Make it stop!! Vampires are sensitive to high noises!!  
  
Janos: A thousand years of silence is even better!!  
  
Tenshi: Argh, my ears!!! How can those old ladies be sitting there so quietly?? They must be deaf!!  
  
Raziel: Mabey they've come here too much!! Aargh......  
  
(Raziel shifts to spectral)  
  
Kain: Cheat! We can't go the same way!!  
  
Janos: What do we do?? WHAT DO WE DO???  
  
(Suddently, one of the old ladies stand before them, showing them a handful of earplugs)  
  
Old lady: (With sign language) We learned how to protect ourselfes right after she became part of the choir.  
  
Tenshi: (With sign language) Thanks!  
  
(The three put the earplugs in their ears and slump back into the seats, reliefed. When they finally take them out it is during the priests speech.)  
  
Priest: ...the Lord lift his countenance upon you and give you peace. Amen.  
  
Janos: (crying) T-that was so beautiful!  
  
Kain: Oh, come on!  
  
Raziel: How long must we sit here? I'm hungry...  
  
Tenshi: There's one hymn back, then we can leave.  
  
(Everyone can relax their ears, since the last hymn is not sung by Ariel. Janos sings along of full heart, while Kain only sits and snorts. Raziel follows as good as can, but is muttering most of it.)  
  
***  
  
Tenshi: That was'nt so bad.  
  
Kain: That was my worst expirience since Mortanius turned me from the light.  
  
Janos: I think we should do it again sometime! Why doesn't Nosgoth have any churches?  
  
Kain: Perhaps we can persuade the Sarafan to build you one, you emotional wreck. They've done a great job building cathedrals and such.  
  
Janos: Don't spoil my good mood.   
  
Kain: Why not? It annoys me.  
  
Tenshi: Guys, don't fight now! Janos, go and tell Vorador to meet us outside! I'll find Ariel!  
  
Kain: Great, what am I supposed to do?  
  
Tenshi: Um, keep an eye on Raziel. He's been acting strange...  
  
Kain: Right, so...  
  
(But, just as Tenshi and Janos run off, the church ecchos with a tortured scream)  
  
Priest: No!!! Be gone, evil creature!!! The power of christ is......AAAAAAAAHHH! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
(Kain sighs and walks up to the altar, then almost steps in one of the old ladies who has fainted from the sight.)  
  
Kain: Oops. sorry lady.........  
  
(Kain carefully avoids her, then shakes his head. He walks up in front of Raziel.)  
  
Raziel: .......Ah, that was good.  
  
Kain: (sighs) Raziel, do you really have to make a scene? We don't need all this attention.  
  
Raziel: But I HAD to get something to eat. Everyone thought that priest was annoying, even that woman in the red dress.  
  
Kain: The woman you almost gave a stroke?  
  
Raziel: I did?  
  
Kain: Yeah.  
  
(Silence)  
  
Raziel: ...can I drain her too?  
  
Kain: (firmly) No.  
  
(Suddently Tenshi comes running back up to them)  
  
Tenshi: Raziel! I need you t.....what happened to the priest?  
  
Raziel: I think he had a stroke.  
  
Kain: (rolls eyes)  
  
Tenshi: Oh.......anyway, Raziel, I can't find Ariel anywhere, so I need you to shift into spectral and find her before she leaves!  
  
Raziel: Righteeo!   
  
(Raziel shifts to spectral)  
  
Kain: 'righteeo'?  
  
Tenshi: Now come on, Kain, let's get outside.  
  
***  
  
(Spectral Realm)  
  
Raziel: Aaariiiieeeel? Come out come out, wherever you aaaaaa.....  
  
(Raziel stands face to face with a ghost)  
  
Ghost: How dare you come to me, even in my death!  
  
Raziel: I did not intend to disturb your......hey wait a second, aren't you the priest I drained a moment ago?  
  
Priest: I recognize you! Stand back, demon, and feel the Lords wrath!  
  
(The prist yells 'hiya!' and shows forward a cross)  
  
Raziel: ...  
  
Priest: Shoo! Shoo! I have a cross!  
  
Raziel: I see...  
  
Priest: Begone, fiend!  
  
Raziel: Fine, fine! I'm going.  
  
(Raziel turns to leave)  
  
Priest: HA HAA! I am victorius! No one can match the powers of the Lord!  
  
Raziel: ....whatever.  
  
(So, Raziel leaves the priest who is clearly as nuts as everyone, and goes to search for Ariel.)  
  
***  
  
(Outside the church)  
  
Vorador: But I don't wanna go back! I feel great by staying here!  
  
Ariel: Yeah, I'm with Vorador! Finally I get to get some of the attention!  
  
Tenshi: Come on, Ariel. The glass litterally shattered.  
  
Ariel: That is not true! I resent that!  
  
(Kain points at the church tower, the remains of the tower window beneath it. Ariel sighs.)  
  
Ariel: Allright, I'm going with you.  
  
Janos: What about you, Vorador? Coming too?  
  
Vorador: No! No, I don't want to! You see, in Nosgoth people are always complaining! But here people actually appreciates my work! I like it better here!  
  
Janos: (sighs) Allright, then I'll have to eat my homemade christmas cookies myselfe.   
  
Vorador: Yeah, 'cause I.......er......cookies?  
  
Janos: Yeah, I'm thinking of making some as soon as I get home. I could always bring you some, but then they would be cold....  
  
Vorador: Mmmm.....cookies.  
  
Janos: Hey, did you know that organists works at christmas? I tell you, I'm glad it's not me.  
  
Vorador: What? They did'nt tell me that!  
  
(Everyone looks at Vorador)  
  
Vorador: I......allright then. I'm coming home.   
  
Tenshi: Yess! Let's move it, then!  
  
Ariel: I hope we don't have to walk around all day...  
  
Kain: You're not even walking. And how can you even be here, you who are bound to the Pillar of Balance??  
  
Ariel: Well sorry to ruin your dreamworld, mister "I'll go and ruin the Pillars just for fun because I'm a big mean vampire who does'nt have to give a shit in other people's feelings", but this world does'nt have any Pillars you can wreck. Therefore, right now there's nothing to bind me anywhere.  
  
Kain: She just never lets me forget...  
  
Tenshi: Vorador, have you got any idea where any of the others are?  
  
Vorador: Um, no. Sorry.  
  
Tenshi: Damn! What do we do??  
  
Ariel: Ah yes, here we go again! Ignored once more! I never get any attention! Is this because I'm a ghost? Or perhaps because I'm dead?   
  
Kain: ....Or because you're transperant?  
  
Ariel: Yeah, is it because I'm.....what? No, you moron!  
  
Kain: (sniggers)  
  
Tenshi: Allright, Ariel. Do you know where ANY of the other might be??  
  
Ariel: Well, now you mention it, I do know those little vandals who spraypainted the church! But again, would anyone listen??  
  
Tenshi: Um, I get you, but.....who spraypainted the church?  
  
Ariel: Oh, I tell you....the brood of THAT oversized onion over there.  
  
Kain: What?  
  
Ariel: That's right, they were here just before the ceremoni.  
  
Kain: (sniff) That's my boys....I'm so proud....  
  
Tenshi: So how do we find them?  
  
(Janos goes over to examine the spraypaint, which covers all of the church's backside.)  
  
Janos: ...they've left bottles of spraypaint everywhere.  
  
Tenshi: Right, so if we follow the trail we'll see where they've gone. Everyone, let's go!   
  
(Everyone leaves the church and Tenshi leads the way towards the trail of bottles. Meanwhile, Raziel shifts in from the spectral realm)  
  
Raziel: Uh, hello? She was'nt there! Anyone? Tenshi? Kain? Janos? Oh great...  
  
(Raziel shrugs and returns into the church to see if they have gone there.)  
  
***  
  
Storyteller: While Tenshi and Co. went out to investigate further, five mystic shades who had followed them all the way, suddently stopped, then poked their heads out from the wall...  
  
SF Melchiah: What?? What's that voice?? WHAT'S ALL THIS TALKING IN MY HEAD??  
  
SF Raziel: Shut up, Melchiah!!  
  
SF Turel: I hear it too, what is that?  
  
SF Raziel: Yo, voice! Go away!  
  
Storyteller: Argh, not again! Everywhere I go nowadays people are always yelling at me, telling me to leave! Why can't I be a part of this too??  
  
SF Raziel: Stupid, disembodied voices does not fit in this fic! Now leave us be! Unless you want the mighty Sarafan after you!  
  
SF Rahab: Yeah! What he said!  
  
SF Zephon: I say!  
  
SF Rahab: No, what HE said!  
  
SF Raziel: Quiet, you two! Big Voice, leave us be! This is your last warning!  
  
Storyteller: Ah, allright! But this will not be the last time you hear me! I WILL get a part in this story!  
  
(The voice dissapears....again)  
  
SF Raziel: Damn this story is weird.....first we witness two vampires and a demon walk into a church, then another vampire and a ghost follows, and now there are disembodied voices talking to us??  
  
SF Turel: Yeah, the author is clearly insane.  
  
SF Raziel: Insane or not, we have to make sure that she and the others does not see us! We must get them!  
  
SF Dumah: But how, Lord Raziel! She has the AP!  
  
SF Raziel: The what?  
  
SF Dumah: The Author Powers!  
  
SF Rahab: Yeah, she can just turn us into potted plants or something. And as member of the Sarafan brotherhood I'd really not like to be turned into a potted plant!  
  
SF Zephon: I say!  
  
SF Raziel: I understand, but....what the hell does that have to do with the Sarafan brotherhood??  
  
SF Rahab: Er....  
  
SF Raziel: Anyway, we've already done it! We have set a marvelous trap!  
  
SF Turel: Oh yeah!..........um, what trap?  
  
SF Raziel: Oh, for......look! Remember them, the vampires we took by suprise why they were spraypainting that wall? We tied them up just over there!  
  
(Everone looks into the direction SF Raziel points, and does see the five vampires Raziel, Turel, Rahab, Dumah, Zephon and Melchiah tied up and gagged behind a rosebush.)  
  
V Raziel: Grrrrrr!!  
  
V Dumah: Growl!  
  
V Turel: Rrrrh!  
  
V Zephon: Wrrrrrou!  
  
V Rahab: Mmmmmmrh!  
  
V Melchiah: Kjhsakjhalskg!!   
  
(The sarafan turn back to their leader)   
  
SF Turel: Oh yeah.  
  
SF Raziel: So, you remember how we spread the bottles of spraypaint on the ground?  
  
SF Rahab: Um, no, but I remember how you threatened to strangle me with that vine over there if I did'nt do it...  
  
(SF Raziel cast a death glare on SF Rahab)  
  
SF Rahab: (nervously).....Oh, how WE did it! Now I remember! Yeah!  
  
SF Raziel: And, the track of garbage will lead them right into our trap!  
  
SF Turel: Of course!  
  
SF Dumah: That's brilliant!  
  
SF Rahab: Ingenious!  
  
SF Zephon: I say!  
  
SF Melchiah: Um, I have to pee.  
  
(Everyone stares at Melchiah.)  
  
Melchiah: ......what?  
  
***  
  
And that concludes chapter three!  
  
Next chapter will include Moebius!  
  
And, instead of threatening everyone I've come up with a new plan to get you to review! I'll simply throw a mini contest! Whoever is the LAST to review will get a part in my next chapter!  
  
Heehee, that's sure to give me more reviewers.....or, perhaps not.....yeah, probably not.  
  
Anyway, please REVIEW!! 


	4. Now featuring a guest star!

Review Responses:  
  
AquaSword: You're welcome! The concept of the AP powers, I think, was Popelands original idea. It was from one of his stories I found it (Halloween H2OH God NOOO! - you should go and read it.) so credit goes to him. Thanks for your review too!  
  
VladimirsAngel: Well, nobody can know for sure when I'll update, right? ^_^ I usually go for once a week, but I just write the chapters as they come into my head. This time though I was unable to update due to an eeevil school holiday. dammit I want internet at home...anyway, thanks for you review! There might be more guest roles coming up you know...*wink wink*  
  
MortalSora: Did I get you hooked on this? I hope I did! Nothing better than regular reviewers! Glad you liked the priest, I have plans of returning him in the near future. Thanks for your review!  
  
So, last chapter (you did read it, right? This woh'nt make sense if you did'nt so please go back and read it all if not. Go on! You can do it!) I had this contest, meaning the last reviewer would have a guest role in this chapter. The guest role goes to...  
  
(Pause, while Tenshi rips open an envelope and pulls a paper out)  
  
Tenshi: Mortal Sora!  
  
*wild distant cheering*  
  
Kain: Erm, Tenshi?  
  
Tenshi: ...Kain, I'm in the middle of a conversation with my readers here.  
  
Kain: Um, no you aren't. You're just starring ahead and talking to yourselfe, and stopping all progress.  
  
(Tenshi blinks, then turns away from the reader. Behind her Kain, Janos, Vorador and Ariel is looking at her with confused and slightly worried eyes.)  
  
Tenshi: Oh? Heh heh....well, what do you say we all just continue and, um, put that little thing behind us....shall we?  
  
(Tenshi begins to walk. The others looks at each other, shakes their heads and moves on)  
  
Janos: ...Where'd she get the envelope from?  
  
****  
  
(Meanwhile, at some sort of smug office an unknown place, Moebius is bashing SF Raziel over the head with his staff)  
  
SF Raziel: Ow.  
  
Moebius: IDIOT!! Do you realize what you've done???  
  
SF Raziel: (rubs head) Um, I've just told you how we have found the Beast and the Reaver, and how I came here to report while my men follow the vampires, who by now are following the trail of garbage to our trap.  
  
Moebius: Exactly! The trail of garbage!! See, while you were out wasting your life away drinking coffee at a cafeteria, and going to the local dance club, I went out and got myselfe a job! Apart from you lazys!!  
  
SF Raziel: (Angered) I resent that! I'll let you know, my lord, that all of the Sarafan, INCLUDING myselfe, had jobs at a church choir! And we DID work for half a day untill they introduced us to the head of the choir, which was some tonedeaf transperant ghost! And we stopped visiting the danceclub ages ago when we discovered the vampire Kain there...PLUS the brothels, not to forget!  
  
(Moebius is'nt truly impressed with all these sacrifices. He sighs.)  
  
Moebius: Anyway, the state is ready to pay me 1.000.000$....that is, IF I can keep this city clean!   
  
SF Raziel: So you're saying...  
  
Moebius: By spreading your garbage you've made my job so much harder! I'll have to hire new workers to clean up your mess! You've cost me far too much!  
  
(There is a moment of pause)  
  
SF Raziel: But....cleaning, Lord Moebius? I thought your goal was to wipe the vampire scum off the planet, er, planets! And with us, the mighty Sarafan, behind you!  
  
Moebius: Well, since I came here I had to change my goals and make my own way through life...and now, I'll make you do so too! You're fired!  
  
(SF Raziel steps back, almost falling in suprise)  
  
SF Raziel: .....f-fired??  
  
Moebius: Yes, I have already hired someone far more suitable in your place. Her name is Mortal Sora!  
  
(Mortal Sora steps in)  
  
Mortal Sora: Hello.  
  
Moebius: Mortal Sora, I make you the new Leader of my Sarafan Army of Cleanliness!   
  
Mortal Sora: Why, thank you Lord Moebius.  
  
SF Raziel: NO!! You can't do that!! I'm the leader of the Sarafan! They'll only answer to me!  
  
Moebius: Well, we'll see about that now, woh'nt we? Oh, and Raziel...I've sent you two new friends who'll show your to a nice cellar room, where you can sit and think about your actions.  
  
(The doors swings open. Two tall men in toxidos walk in)  
  
Toxido man 1: Hello.  
  
Toxido man 2: Nice to meet you.  
  
SF Raziel: AAAAH!!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO MEEEE!!  
  
Moebius: Toxido Men, take him away!  
  
(The two Toxido Men drags a cursing and ranting SF Raziel out of the room)  
  
Moebius: Heh heh...I think I'll start my new War Against Filth by cleaning my desk...  
  
***  
  
(Meanwhile, in the local park)  
  
Kain: Janos, what are you doing?  
  
(Janos is carrying an armful of empty spraypaint cans)  
  
Kain: Have you been picking those up all this way??  
  
Janos: To your infomation, Kain, some os us still care about the nature. And these cans are filled with poison.  
  
Kain: They're empty. Why don't you drop them so you don't slow us down?  
  
Janos: No, I will certantly not! What if I drop them on a family of rare bugs or plants? I might crush the last members of a special species, thus making it extinct!   
  
Kain: For gods sake, Janos! This is not even our world! And for all I've seen it was one of the dirtiest ones, even before the cans got thrown here!   
  
Janos: (lowered voice) Well, if you count the 'dirty' times at the dance club...  
  
Kain: What? I HEARD THAT!!!  
  
(Kain begins to argue with him. Janos ignores him and continues to pick up cans. Vorador, growing tired of all this, walks up to Tenshi)  
  
Vorador: When does the trail stop, you think?  
  
Tenshi: I'm not sure...unless, of course, its stops right at the dead end ahead of us.  
  
(For no appearant reason, a giant red brick wall has been placed on the road. The trail of cans stop there. Tenshi and co. looks around.)  
  
Tenshi: ...Odd.  
  
Kain: Yeah, what's that wall doing in the middle of a park?  
  
(Janos sees a piece of rope stretched across the road. He shrugs, then easily avoids it.)  
  
Janos: Hm, weird. I probably should tell Tenshi about this could-be trap. Then again...  
  
Vorador: Perhaps your sons went another way.  
  
Ariel: They must have! Those small bastards could'nt have gone through now, could they?  
  
Kain: You watch it, lady...  
  
Tenshi: But the trail stops here.   
  
Kain: They must have been here, too. Look at the wall.  
  
(Taking a closer look, they see the wall is covered with the colourful words 'stop vampirism!', 'Death to all vampires!'and 'Join the Sarafan in their war against the undead! Free beer every thursday!')  
  
Tenshi: Hmm, these messages confuses me...  
  
Kain: Yeah, they normally have trouble spelling 'Kain sux'.  
  
Vorador: Okay, so they have been here, but the trail ends here too, so...  
  
Janos: I would'nt say that.  
  
(Everyone turns at Janos, who, turning some branches over, reveals a badly hidden pile of cans that reaches further up than the wall itselfe.)  
  
Tenshi: So it took a billion or so spraypaint cans to paint that wall?? Hope they were'nt expensive!  
  
Kain: Hm, its taller than the wall. Perhaps we can climb it.  
  
Vorador: Forget it Kain, it's far too unstable.  
  
Janos: This is an insult to nature!  
  
Tenshi: Ariel, could you pass through that wall and see if there is anything interesting on the other side?  
  
Ariel: Well, sure...  
  
(Ariel shifts to spectral)  
  
Tenshi: Now, let's wait for her return...  
  
Kain: Janos, drop those cans for gods sake!  
  
Janos: No! I'm not going to! You can't make me!  
  
Kain: Allright, that's it. I've had it. Janos, hand it over!  
  
Janos: NO!  
  
(Kain struggles with Janos, then grabs the cans and throws them up atop of the pile)  
  
Kain: There. No sulking, thanks.  
  
Janos: (Snorts and walks back)  
  
(Kain shakes his head and is about to walk back, too. He suddently hears a rumbeling sound behind him. He turns around. The sound falls silent. He shrugs and walks back.)  
  
Tenshi: Damn she's slow...  
  
Vorador: um, Tenshi, what's that sound?  
  
Tenshi: What sound?  
  
(Suddently, there is a loud scream from behind them all. They turn in alarm, in time to just leap out of the way as Kain and a pile of spraypaint cans rolls by them with groundshaking force. After a moment everything falls silent. The cans are now all over the park, and Kain is covered by his own pile in the middle of everything.)  
  
Tenshi: Oh god.  
  
(Kain pops his head out of the pile)  
  
Kain: No worry, I'm unhurt...I think.  
  
Vorador: Dammit Kain! Are you insane??  
  
Janos: Yeah, look at the park! Look at this mess! The poor nature!  
  
Vorador: ...and also, someone was bound to hear that noise, so now they'll come to see what's going on!  
  
Kain: Gee, sorry.   
  
Tenshi: Yeah, you better be s....  
  
(Suddently, Tenshi trips in the rope stretched across the ground.)  
  
Tenshi: Woops. Who leaves a rope there in the middle of the road anyway??  
  
Vorador: This really smells of...  
  
(Suddently, the whole ground opens up beneath them)  
  
Vorador: ...Oh yeah, a trap.  
  
(Everyone falls into the darkness beneath)  
  
All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHhhhhhh...............!!!  
  
***  
  
Storyteller: Tenshi and co. found themselfes in a dark, dark room...  
  
(Tenshi and co. wake up. Of some reason the storyteller knows how grumpy she is in the morning and decides to dissapear.)  
  
Janos: Ow.  
  
Kain: Ow.  
  
Vorador: Ow.  
  
Tenshi: Is'nt it now I say something like 'I can't feel my legs!', and then you say...  
  
Vorador: They're my legs!  
  
Tenshi: Thank you, Vorador.  
  
Vorador: Oh, wait a second...I was wrong. They're your legs. Or, they were, to be correct.  
  
Tenshi: AAAAAAAHHH!!  
  
Vorador: I was joking. They're right there.  
  
Tenshi: Phew.  
  
Kain: Where the hell are we?  
  
Janos: Why it is so dark??  
  
Tenshi: Ok, bright idea! Janos, fly up and see if you can find a way out!  
  
Janos: Um, okay....  
  
(Janos flys up. Moments later a big 'clonk' can be heard from somewhere above, together with Janos' tortured whimper. Then something big lands beside Tenshi with an odd thump.)  
  
Tenshi: I assume we're trapped then.  
  
Vorador: This is insane! Who would trap us???  
  
Voice: I would!  
  
(The light suddently flashes on. Everyone blinks for half an hour due to the illuminating light, then turns around. They face no one but...)  
  
All: Sarafan Raziel!  
  
SF Raziel: That is correct.  
  
Vorador: So YOU'RE the one behind this!  
  
SF Raziel: Yes, this trap was my genius idea! And you fell for it...or, rather, fell into it! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!  
  
Vorador: Ah damn! We should really have seen this coming!  
  
Tenshi: Yess! This is fantastic! I've found another LoK character!  
  
Kain: And the fact that we're trapped?  
  
Tenshi: Oh yeah. Makes my happiness falter slightly.  
  
Vorador: So what, he's trapped too.  
  
(Everyone looks at SF Raziels leg, which is strapped to a chain in the wall.)  
  
SF Raziel: Oh yeah. Well, the trap IS mine, after all. I just did'nt realize that I would be trapped in it, too. HAHAHAAAA!!  
  
Kain: You're a psycho.  
  
SF Raziel: No, I only laugh to keep myselfe from crying. (sniff)  
  
Tenshi: But, if you're not the one behind it all, who...  
  
(A hidden door to the right is opened. A mysterical shade walks in.)  
  
Shade: I am the one behind it all.  
  
Vorador: Wha'....it can't be...  
  
Kain: MORTANIUS!!!  
  
Tenshi: C'mon, Kain, Mortanius is'nt even in this fic.  
  
Kain: Oh, right.  
  
Vorador: Who is it then?  
  
Shade: It's me...Moebius!  
  
(All gasps.)  
  
Vorador: But Moebius is'nt that tall, is he?  
  
(The shade steps into the light. It reveals Mortal Sora)  
  
SF Raziel: Oh great. Not her again!  
  
Tenshi: Huh? You're not Moebius!!?  
  
Kain: What trickery is this??  
  
Moebius voice: Of course I am Moebius, I'm just not here in person.  
  
(Mortal Sora shows them all her 'moebile'. Its a small phone with a tv-screen, showing Moebius face.)  
  
Mortal Sora: My new master has granted me this Moebile, a powerful communication device.  
  
Tenshi: So you did'nt have the guts to come here alone, then you send her instead??  
  
Moebius voice: That's right. Mortal Sora is my new leader of the Sarafan WAF.  
  
Tenshi: waf?  
  
Moebius voice: War Against Filth!  
  
Tenshi: That makes no sense.  
  
Moebius voice: Well, this is your fic.  
  
Tenshi: Yeah, I was getting pretty nervous it would, too.  
  
Vorador: You stole the trap??  
  
Moebius: Yes...I am so evil.  
  
Tenshi: (shudders)  
  
Moebius voice: Now I just need to punish that little filth-maker right there.  
  
SF Raziel: Pah.  
  
Moebius voice: And his punishment is to be confronted with his worst enemies....YOU!!!  
  
(Mortal Sora points towards Tenshi and co.)  
  
SF Raziel: WHAT? NOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Tenshi: I see. Clever.  
  
Kain: Hm, this day is getting better than expected.  
  
Tenshi: Why are we trapped, then?  
  
Moebius voice: Just in case you did'nt want to. Well, I'll be seeing you.  
  
(There is a moment of awkward silence)  
  
Moebius voice: Er...Mortal Sora...  
  
Mortal Sora: Oops! Totally forgot I was the one with the moebile, now if you'll excuse me...us....ah damn, whatever.  
  
(Mortal Sora leaves through the hidden door with the Moebile. At this moment, the gate that was between SF Raziel and the others is raised.)  
  
SF Raziel: P-please!! I beg you!! DON'T HURT MEEEE!!  
  
Tenshi: Don't worry, we're not g...  
  
Kain: VAE VICTIS!!!  
  
(Kain jumps forward without warning and begins to cruelly torture SF Raziel.)  
  
Tenshi: KAIN, WAIT!! NO!! I WAS'NT FINNISHED!!   
  
Kain: Stop poking yourselfe! Stop poking yourselfe! Stop poking yourselfe! Stop poking yourselfe! Stop poking yourselfe! Stop poking yourselfe!  
  
SF Raziel: Ow! Ow! Ow! Oww! Ow! Ow! Ow!...  
  
(Vorador grabs Kain and drags him off, and rips SF Raziels chains out of the wall in the meantime)  
  
Kain: Let me go! I was'nt finnished punishing him for trapping us!!  
  
Tenshi: But we need to stay together! Sarafan Raziel might know where the others Sarafan might be!  
  
SF Raziel: So you're not punnishing me?...  
  
Kain: (narrowed eyes) Mabey later.  
  
SF Raziel: (gulps)  
  
Vorador: That's all very nice, although you might concider the fact that WE'RE STILL TRAPPED!  
  
SF Raziel: Well, if you promise not to torture me anymore I'll show you the exit.  
  
Tenshi: Huh? You know where the exit is??  
  
SF Raziel: Sure, I build this thing after all.   
  
(SF Raziel walks to the end of the room, then opens the hidden door without effort.)  
  
Kain: We saw that door too. You could have told us it was unlocked.  
  
SF Raziel: I know where the other Sarafan are! Let's release them and GET REVENGE!!! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Vorador: You're right, Kain, the guy is a maniac.  
  
Kain: He seems to remind me of someone.  
  
(Meanwhile, Janos wakes up and sees SF Raziel)  
  
Janos: Hey, that guy lookes like our Raziel!  
  
Kain: ...  
  
Tenshi: ...  
  
Vorador: ...  
  
SF Raziel: ...  
  
Janos: Um, where is he by the way?  
  
***  
  
Thanks for reading chapter four!  
  
And special thanks to Mortal Sora for that awsome performance!  
  
Audience: HURRAH!! *wild clapping and cheers*  
  
I promise you more lines in my next chapter. Feel free to give me your ideas!  
  
Everyone who reviews will get a free Moebile! Turn it on and insult Moebius whenever you want! He can't turn it off!  
  
See you next chapter! 


	5. The WAF offices

Mortal Sora: OMG I'm sorry! It's just, you seem so smart and funny...I figured you'd be a she! But I was wrong! Please forgive my mistake, I feel very stupid *ashamed look*. To make up for it, this chapter will have you placed in Wonderland!  
  
***  
  
(Back at the church, spectral realm. Raiziel and the ghost priest are sitting by the altar)  
  
Raziel: ...and that's when I discovered the Soul Reaver was still with me, and that I could never escape my terrible desteny.  
  
Priest: Wow, Raziel. That's really some of a story.  
  
Raziel: Yes...I never realized how I was a pawn to everyone, so needless to say I feel really miserable now...(sigh)  
  
Priest: Well, I don't blame you. You've been having a rough time.  
  
Raziel: I know. (sniff) I never thought...I mean, just to see what a bastard I was as human...and to see myselfe kill the only friend I've had in a century...t-that was almost as tragic as the time Kain ripped off my wings.....a-and....  
  
(Raziel breaks into sobbing. The priest smiles and pats Raziel on the shoulder.)   
  
Priest: There there, my friend. It is okay to cry. It's better to get the feelings out that to lock them away...and I'm not going anywhere, so if you need to talk more...  
  
(Suddently Ariel appears in front of the priest.)  
  
Priest: ...on the other side, I just realized I have a very important appointment at the church council, so mabey later, Raziel! Hello my lady...  
  
(Ariel sighs, then shows the priest the skull side of her head)  
  
Priest: AAAAAHH! SKULL!!  
  
Raziel: (looks up) Ariel! What are you doing here?? I've been looking for you and the others since chapter three!  
  
Ariel: Why are you sitting here talking to the Priest?  
  
Raziel: (sighs) He's the only one who seems to understand my feelings in this damned world.  
  
Priest: Um, can't say that I do. All the guy's been talking about is vampires and demons and timetravels and timestreamers, his former self and some sort of evil vampire lord. It makes no sense at all! Now, GIRLS I understand...  
  
(Ariel rolls her eye and then turns to Raziel)  
  
Ariel: Raziel, we need your help! We were looking for the vampires when...  
  
Raziel: WHAT???!! So you just left without me??? Well that's really nice!!! I thought you were my friends, but I suppose I was wrong!!!  
  
Ariel: They're trapped! We've got to help them!  
  
Raziel: Hah!! First you leave me, THEN you come running for help! Well, guess what; You go help them yourselfe, because I don't care!  
  
Ariel: Please, Raziel! You're the only one who can help us!  
  
Raziel: Not listening!!  
  
Ariel: (begging look) Please...  
  
Raziel: (covers ears) LALALALAAALALALAALALALALALAAALALALAA....  
  
Ariel: Hmph! Well that's mature! (Takes the Priests Bibel and hits Raziel over the head.)  
  
Raziel: OW! Stop it!  
  
Ariel: You come now, or I'll tell Kain who wrote 'Kain is ugly, dumb and dead And he shaves with a lady Gilette!' across the Pillars of Nosgoth!   
  
Raziel: Allright allright! I help you!  
  
Ariel: (smiles) Thank you.  
  
Priest: Now, when you're done saving your little friends, perhaps your...er, good side...and me could go out and have dinner?  
  
(Ariel throws the Bibel through his head)  
  
Priest: I'll take that as a 'no'...  
  
Ariel: C'mon, let's get outta here!  
  
***  
  
(Meanwhile, in the park. The sarafans are picking up all pieces of garbage around the park and throwing them into a rubbish bin which SF Melchiah is holding. They make slow progress.)   
  
SF Turel: Gee, I wonder when Raziel will be back.  
  
SF Dumah: He's been gone for hours.  
  
SF Rahab: Is'nt it weird that he asked us to clean up all this mess, which he also made us throw here?  
  
SF Melchiah: Yeah.   
  
SF Dumah: Do you think it was his idea too that we should have 'join the Sarafan WAF!' sheets stuck on our backs?  
  
SF Rahab: Probably.  
  
SF Turel: He does get the weirdest ideas sometimes.  
  
SF Zephon: I say.  
  
(Suddently there is a loud crash behind them. They all turn around to see the local hot-dog stall being blown up. While they watch in awstruck horror as people run away screaming, five vampires suddently grap them from behind and lift them off the ground)  
  
V Turel: Got 'em!  
  
V Rahab: Me too!  
  
V Dumah: This'll learn them what it means to piss off a vampire leutnant!  
  
SF Dumah: Hey, is'nt that the vampires we bound?  
  
SF Turel: They probably ecaped, dumbass.  
  
SF Rahab: It's all Melchiahs fault, he was the one who bound them!  
  
V Turel: Raziel, we've got them!  
  
SF Rahab: Oh great, they've got Raziel too!  
  
(V Raziel steps into the light.)  
  
SF Melchiah: Oh, what a coincidence! He's named Raziel too!  
  
V Raziel: Yes....coincidence....anyway, now we've finally got you, demon-haters!  
  
SF Dumah: Umm, mr. Vampire, sir, I think you are mistaking...  
  
V Raziel: Huh?  
  
SF Dumah: See, we don't do the 'chase and kill evil undead beings' thing anymore. We've become the Sarafan of the WAF instead.  
  
(Dumah gestures at the 'WAF' sheet on his back. V Raziel casts a suspicius glare on the Sarafans)  
  
V Raziel: ......Really?  
  
SF Turel: Yup. True story. Now, would you please set us down?  
  
V Raziel: None the less, you've been doing some nasty things to vampires before, AND you tied us up. So I'm guessing, no.  
  
SF Turel: Aww. Worth a shot was it, though.  
  
V Turel: What do you want me to do with 'em, boss?  
  
V Raziel: It's MASTER, you jerk!  
  
V Turel: Oh yeah, master! Master!  
  
V Rahab: Can we drain them??  
  
V Zephon: Yeah!  
  
V Dumah: Please??  
  
V Melchiah: I don't wanna drain this one, he's so cute!  
  
(V Melchiah, who is holding SF Melchiah, smiles)  
  
SF Melchiah: (smiles back) Thank you!  
  
SF Turel: C'mon, Melchiah! We're the mighty Sarafan! We will not fall for their flattery! When Raziel is not here, I'm in charge! And I say.....ATTACK!!!  
  
(All the Sarafans begins to kick wildly in the air, since their legs are the only free parts of their bodies. It looks rather pathetic.)  
  
V Raziel: (lowered voice, to Turel) I don't get it, I'm standing right here.  
  
V Turel: They are trying to fool us, bo....er, master.  
  
V Dumah: Come on, I wanna skin 'em!  
  
V Zephon: Yeah!  
  
SF Dumah: NOOOO!!  
  
SF Rahab: Have mercy!!  
  
SF Zephon: I SAY!! I SAY!!  
  
V Raziel: Hmm, you know what? We'll just tie them up over there and then we call it even.  
  
V Turel: Aww.  
  
V Rahab: It was beginning to get fun.  
  
V Zephon: Yeah.  
  
V Melchiah: And I'm still hungry.  
  
V Raziel: Now now, be nice. And you already ate a dozen park rangers before we got here, Melchiah.  
  
V Melchiah: I know, but the skin on my right leg keep falling off...  
  
SF Turel: Ew.....errr....you'll spare us?  
  
V Raziel: Well, right now we'll just gag you.  
  
(the vampires proceed gagging the sarafan)  
  
V Dumah: There.  
  
V Rahab: What now?  
  
V Raziel: I'm in a good mood, why don't we pay a visit to....  
  
(V Raziel takes a moment to get SF Turels visiting card and check the adress)  
  
V Raziel: ...'the Moebius WAF President office, sixth floor, second door to the right.'  
  
V Zephon: Yeah!  
  
(The vampires storm off, leaving the bound and gagged Sarafan behind.)  
  
***  
  
Storyteller: Welcome to the NWN, the Nosgoth Weekly News! This time we are pursuing the interesting story of an author and her vampiric friends, who has been send to Earth and has just escaped the secret underground lair...  
  
Tenshi: Hello again, storyteller. your 'news reader guy' disguise does not fool me, I'm afraid.  
  
Storyteller: What.....? Damn! How'd you know it was me??  
  
Tenshi: Well, what about the fact that you're labeled as the storyteller? Or, perhaps, the fact that there are no Weekly News in Nosgoth, and especially not with extra top stories from Earth?  
  
Storyteller: Oh.....er....could you hang on for 1 sec, please....  
  
(The voice dissapears for a while)  
  
NWN guy: There! NOW you have to trust me!  
  
Tenshi: Wha'....how did you change your label?? Ah, nevermind, just get out of my story! I've had it!  
  
NWN guy: No! I'm not the storyteller anymore! I'm the NWN guy.  
  
Tenshi: Well, changes nothing since NWN guys does'nt fit in this story as well.  
  
NWN guy: ...  
  
Tenshi: (folds arms and stares)  
  
NWN guy: ......crap!! I'll get you back, I swear!  
  
(The voice dissapears again, and is gone)  
  
SF Raziel: Unbelievable, the voice follows you too!  
  
Tenshi: He's been there from chapter 1. He's really persistent.  
  
SF Raziel: ...Unfortunatly.  
  
Vorador: Okay, enough with all the chit chat. What are we doing here?  
  
(Tenshi & co. are standing in a large, dark, underground hall. The hall is lit up by a single candle, hold by Janos.)  
  
Kain: Looks like the hall continues for eternity.  
  
Janos: Dear god, I hope not! This candle is burning down to my hand!  
  
SF Raziel: It does'nt go on forever. Soon we will be at a dead end...  
  
Vorador: Oh, and that's so much better!  
  
SF Raziel: ...to keep escaped prisoners from further progress. Only I know the secret way out.  
  
Tenshi: So when will we be at the dead end?  
  
(At this moment, Janos, who is leading the party with the candle in hand, walks headfirst into a wall. The candle is smashed in the meantime.)  
  
Janos: Owww. Who puts a dead end in front of one just like that anyway!!  
  
(The candle burns out. Everyone watches as the last spark goes out and the room is illuminated by darkness.)  
  
Vorador: ...crap.  
  
Tenshi: Er...you can find the way in darkness, right, Raziel?  
  
SF Raziel: Yah, no...  
  
Tenshi: Damn. I say that a lot don't I?  
  
Kain: That means we're stuck here forever! I bet Moebius is laughing the hell outta himselfe now...  
  
***  
  
(Meanwhile, somewhere in the WAF building. A loud crash is heard. Moebius sits straight up from his chair.)  
  
Moebius: W-w-what was that??  
  
(moebius pushes a button on his intercom.)  
  
Moebius: Jenny, tell me what is going on!  
  
Secretary: I have no idea, sir.  
  
Moebius: Could you go check, then?  
  
Secretary: Sorry, that is not possible, sir.  
  
Moebius: Why not?  
  
Secretary: Personal security, sir. That loud crash COULD be the work of six angry vampires breaking their way to here, sir.  
  
Moebius: ...  
  
Secretary: ...  
  
Moebius: ...  
  
Secretary: ...  
  
Moebius: ....what's the odds of that happening?  
  
Secretary: 1 to 1780928, according to my computer, sir.  
  
Moebius: Then I assume it is quite safe, right?  
  
Secretary: I guess...hold on a minute, sir.  
  
(Moebius waits a moment. The secretary answers over the intercom.)  
  
Secretary: Sir, there are someone here for you.  
  
Moebius: Who is that?  
  
Secretary: I don't know, sir, but they look important.  
  
Moebius: H-how important?? Don't let anyone in that I would'nt trust!  
  
Secretary: I am sure we can trust these. They wear WAF sheets.  
  
Moebius: (sighs in relief) Oh....send them in, please, send them in.  
  
(The intercom is silent. The door opens slowly.)  
  
Moebius: (relaxed) Hello, fellow WAF agents. I did not know the word would get around that fast. Please tell me of your...  
  
(The vampires walk inside. V Raziel has an evil smirk)  
  
Moebius: Er...are you sick? You look so....pale....and your teeth....wait a minute...  
  
V Raziel: Hi. Just thought we'd pay a visit to the greatest vampire hater of all times.  
  
Moebius: V-vampires??? ARGH!!  
  
(Moebius jumps behind his wheelchair.)  
  
Moebius: It must be a misunderstandment! V-vampires are my best fiends!! FRIENDS!   
  
V Raziel: Then why did you send some of your minions to take care of us??  
  
Moebius: I did'nt!! That was all Raziels stupid idea!!!  
  
(The group falls silent for a moment.)  
  
V Raziel: ...Is this the Raziel, leader of the sarafan?  
  
Moebius: Y-yes! That's him!! HE'S the guilty one, not me! Honest!!  
  
V Raziel: Hm, think he can humiliate us, use my name AND get away with it, does he? I think we should go and learn him a lesson.  
  
(The group grins evily.)  
  
V Raziel: Tell me where this other Raziel is now, old man.  
  
Moebius: It is easier if I show you.  
  
V Raziel: Fine. You lot stay here.  
  
(The vampires wait behind while V Raziel follows Moebius into another room. Behind a big painting of Nelson Mandela is a safe. Moebius enters a complicated code and gains access to it. Inside the safe is a small button. Moebius presses it and a new room is revealed. It looks like the middle of a medival church room.)  
  
V Raziel: O.............................kay.  
  
Moebius: Come with me, Raziel.  
  
(V Raziel and Moebius walks into the middle of the room, then stops beside a large font.)  
  
V Raziel: Are we within the sarafan WAF stronghold?  
  
Moebius: Yes, but the glorius days of the sarafan are long since past. This is now the age of the WAF.....MY age.  
  
V Raziel: I see.  
  
(Moebius and V Raziel looks into the pond. A totally black image appears.)  
  
Moebius: There he is. See how he lingers at the very trap he himselfe has created, ignorant that I have snatched you out of my office...  
  
V Raziel: Er, hello? What the hell are you talking about? The screen is black!  
  
Moebius: It's dark in the room.  
  
V Raziel: Ah. So do you know where it is?  
  
Moebius: I will take you there.  
  
V Raziel: Aaahahaha, uh, no. You tell us where it is and me and the boys go....alone.  
  
Moebius: Come on, please? I really really really wanna go!  
  
V Raziel: Please don't beg.  
  
Moebius: Ah, allright, then forget about our old 5 minute friendship then, and concider our common ground...we both want SF Raziel dead. I can help you do that.  
  
V Raziel: You want him dead?  
  
Moebius: Not really, but I thought it might addd a dramatic effect to the storyline.  
  
V Raziel: Okay, okay, I give up. Let's get the others and go.  
  
Moebius: Allright, but on your way out, please try and keep the casualties at the minimum. And stay away from Jenny, too, she's my girl. Else, do what you have to do.  
  
V Raziel: And what is that?  
  
Moebius: Kill Kain...  
  
V Raziel: WHAT??  
  
Moebius: Er, um, uh, did I say 'Kill Kain'? I meant kill sarafan Raziel and take revenge!!  
  
V Raziel: You're bloody weird, you know that?   
  
Moebius: Anyway, all great movements requiers a few martyrs.  
  
V Raziel: ....whatever.  
  
(then, V Raziel proceeds running screaming out of the room.)  
  
Moebius: Man, that line would have been SO MUCH cooler if I remembered how to dissapear in a mist of smoke! Ah well...  
  
***  
  
(Tenshi and Co. are sitting on the floor in the dark room. And how can I tell that they are sitting down if the room is dark? Well, I, er....guess I saw it through that plothole over there...)  
  
Tenshi: Ok, Janos you start this time.  
  
Janos: Uuuh....male?  
  
Tenshi: Yes. 19.  
  
Janos: undead?  
  
Tenshi: Yes, 18.  
  
Janos: Vampire?  
  
Tenshi: Yes, 17.  
  
Janos: Turel.  
  
Tenshi: ....  
  
Janos: ...  
  
Tenshi: ...Crap! Ok, THIS time you'll never guess it...  
  
Kain: ARGH!!! We've been sitting for an hour listening to Janos and Tenshi's game! It's agonizing! Everyone knows all Tenshi thinks about is LoK!  
  
Vorador: Tenshi, for the sake of the dark gods, WHEN are we gonna find a way out??  
  
Tenshi: Well, er....I was kinda hoping we would be rescued.  
  
Kain: WHAT??! How can you say that??? We're miles below the ground, who'd ever look for us here??  
  
Voice: Um, hello.  
  
(Kain squeals like a girl and jumps into Voradors arms.)  
  
Vorador: WOAH!  
  
Kain: VOICES! VOICES IN THE DARK!!  
  
Tenshi: What's going on over there??  
  
(All this noise awakens SF Raziel who's been sleeping on the ground.)  
  
Kain: DO SOMETHING!! GET MY REAVER AND WACK'EM!!!  
  
Vorador: WOULD YOU CALM DOWN AND GET OFF MY FACE, YOU JERK???!!  
  
SF Raziel: Who is being loud??  
  
Tenshi: Kain, get off Vorador. C'mon, just get off.  
  
(Kain jumps off Vorador)  
  
Tenshi: Now, let's sort this out. Who are you?  
  
Voice: Um, I'm just--  
  
SF Raziel: Oh no...it's Moebius' new leader of the Sarafan! How the hell did she get here?  
  
Tenshi: It's a HE! Mortal Sora is a HE!  
  
SF Raziel: Er.....she is?  
  
Kain: Yeah, Tenshi said it wrong the first time, and used it for an excuse to send the bastard into--  
  
(Tenshi steps on Kains clawed foot.)  
  
Kain: OW! Hey, that did'nt hurt.  
  
Mortal Sora: What am I doing here? You promised to send me to Wonderland!  
  
Tenshi: Um....well...er....oh, is that the time? Jeez I've got to...  
  
(Janos grabs Tenshi before she can storm off.)  
  
Janos: Nonono you don't. I want an explernation too.  
  
Vorador: Ditto.  
  
Karen: Yeah.  
  
Tenshi: Ooooookay.......Um, allright, so that's another mistake on my part to add...  
  
Vorador: *to himselfe* And the list just keeps getting longer and longer....  
  
Tenshi: I'm sorry. It appears you're stuck here with the rest of us.  
  
Mortal Sora: Then how about the compensation you promised me for calling me a girl??  
  
Tenshi: Look, I promise I'll make it up to you!! Just....not....right now...  
  
Mortal Sora: *sarcastically* Great.  
  
SF Raziel: Ah hell, what do we owe her....him....crap, I'm not really helping, am I?  
  
Janos: Why don't you just shut up and go to sleep again.  
  
SF Raziel: You better be careful I don't rip out your still beating heart!  
  
Janos: Oh boo hoo, like you could do that without Moebius' staff.  
  
Mortal Sora: What, this one?  
  
(Mortal Sora then pulls Moebius' staff out of his robes. The room is lit by it's bright light.)  
  
Tenshi: WOAH! Where'd you get that???  
  
Mortal Sora: Moebius lent it to me, told me to take care of it. He must trust me a lot.  
  
SF Raziel: Or he's just a very stupid man. Why don't you just....GIVE IT TO MEEEE!!  
  
(SF Raziel makes a leap for the staff, but Mortal Sora just sidesteps and SF Raziel smashes into the wall.)  
  
Tenshi: I'm sorry. He has some weird tendencies, especially that one called 'Power-Hunger'.  
  
Mortal Sora: Ah. I don't blame him. After all he is just...mortal.  
  
Tenshi: ..............So are you.   
  
Mortal Sora: Well, you know....  
  
(Mortal Sora suddently looks at the staff with a certain hungry glare)  
  
Tenshi: Allright, give it to me. Now.  
  
(Tenshi takes the staff from Mortal Sora.)  
  
Mortal Sora: Hey I've resisted to use it for my own personal gain untill now you know! I've been trapped an entire chapter with that thing!  
  
Tenshi: I don't trust you. You're gonna paralyze the vampires or something.  
  
Mortal Sora: Erm, actually, you already did.  
  
(Tenshi looks at the vampires, who has dropped on the ground around her)  
  
Tenshi: ...oops.  
  
Mortal Sora: Now will you give me the staff?  
  
Tenshi: Ok, you can have it back if you promise me one thing.  
  
Mortal Sora: What?  
  
Tenshi: Please please PLEASE join us instead of Moebius! We could really use your help! He really is a bad guy, and we can't leave him or the others in our world!  
  
(SF Raziel jumps up)  
  
SF Raziel: Noo, don't do this! I don't want to be stuck here with HIM!!  
  
Tenshi: Shut up, Raziel! Please say yes?? Pleeeaasssee?  
  
SF Raziel: He took my job! He's gonna betray us!  
  
Tenshi: No he's not!  
  
SF Raziel: Yes he is! I know it! He's just as bad as Moebius!!  
  
Tenshi: No, he's NOT!!  
  
Mortal Sora: Uuuh, I don't know...  
  
***  
  
Oh my god! What is Mortal Sora gonna choose??  
  
I hope you'll be as kind as to give me your answer through your review!!  
  
And all you others, please REVIEW and make one persons day a little brighter!!  
  
Phew, that was a long chapter. So anyway, see y'all next chapter!!! 


	6. Betray and solution

First I'm gonna throw some review responses:  
  
MortalSora: Thank you very much! I really appreciate that. Also, thanks for your kind review! About more reviewers; Well, I'd rather have fewer very very very good reviews than 50 flamers ^^ so you woh'nt hear me complainin'!  
  
Concept of a demon: Hejsa, altid godt at se at man ikke er den eneste LoK fan i Danmark.  
  
Thanks for your review! I've read some of your stories too, I think they're pretty good! I'll try to update as soon as can, but I don't have internet at home and can only access FF.net from my school...-_-;;. Anyway, hope you like this new chapter!  
  
Aquasword: Hi again! Thanks for your review, each one makes my day a little brighter! Oh and by the way, I'll encourage everyone to go and read your fic 'melting the ice'. Go ahead, do it now! I've enjoyed every bit of it so far! Thanks for the kind review!  
  
Moonwalker: Thanks for the review, I'm really glad you liked it! Janos has always appeared as a very caring person to me, so it seemed natural that he should be caring about the nature...it fits him so well, does'nt it?   
  
Fallen Paladin Shadow: Well, as always I'm open to suggestions! This chapter will grant your wish. Thanks for the review!  
  
Allright, before we start I think I owe you an explernation for why this chapter was delayed. Well, short story is that I've got a life too. Long story, well, main reason is my school. I don't have a hellofalotta time on my hands due to a massive amound of homework I get before the exam! It's tough being a nineth-grader, mind you! Also, I've had this giant writers block, I could'nt think of anything new! Oh, and I've been ill. Actually I'm still ill while writing this, I really should be in my bed now...So you better be grateful out there!...*ahem*...um right. Last reason is, I've begun a whole new fic. This is a serious fic, set right after Defiance. Chapter 1 should be ready soon. So be on a lookout for it!  
  
Oh, and by the way, the 'guest appearance' by Mortal Sora ain't really a guest appearance anymore because, well, he's really become a part of this story. So I hope you don't mind Mortal Sora, but as of now you are officially a character in this story. Having said that, I invite you to sit back and enjoy this new chapter! (warning: May contain minor Defiance spoilers)  
  
***  
  
Mortal Sora: ...Ah, okay. I'm with you Tenshi!  
  
Tenshi: YESS! Thanks a bunch!  
  
SF Raziel: Drat! I don't believe it!  
  
Tenshi: No time to lose! Raziel, it's up to you to find the exit, get going!  
  
SF Raziel: [profanity deleted], who do you think I am?? HUH??!! Some sort of servant to you??? Your personal slave to buzz around??? Well, guess what lady; I refuce to move!!  
  
Mortal Sora: Huh? Who censored that line??  
  
Tenshi: None of the other lines were censored...  
  
Mortal Sora: Strange.  
  
Tenshi: Allright, listen mister! If you don't drag your candy ass to that exit then I'll de-paralyze all these bloodsuckers and set them on you!!  
  
SF Raziel: Oh....heh....well, if you put it that way...  
  
Tenshi: Damn right I am, now get going!  
  
(SF Raziel storms off.)  
  
Mortal Sora: Geez, you're in a bad mood today.  
  
Tenshi: Well, this is one of the first chapters I've written since I finished Defiance, and I've had so little time to make fanfictions and fanart based on it that I'm totally overloaded! Also, I haven't had many good ideas for this fic for so long, it makes me a little tense.  
  
Mortal Sora: I understand. Don't you think we should awaken the vampires?  
  
Tenshi: I would, but the staff is providing us the light. We'll take it away as soon as we've found the way out.  
  
(SF Raziel returns.)  
  
SF Raziel: Um, there might be a slight problem...  
  
Tenshi: Aww, not again. What is it this time?  
  
SF Raziel: You're not gonna believe me unles you see it.  
  
(Tenshi, Mortal Sora and SF Raziel walks a short distance down the hall, and to another dead end. Light is streaming inside from a potential exit, however it is blocked by a giant block. On one of the sides is a huge stamp reading 'Writers Block. Property of TT'.)  
  
Tenshi: You where right, Raziel. I would'nt have believed this if you've just told me.  
  
Mortal Sora: Is this really yours?  
  
Tenshi: Well, even if it is, I never asked for it! I know I've had a writers block lately, but not physically!  
  
SF Raziel: Wow, that's one huge writers block you've had.  
  
Tenshi: This is stupid! 'Writers Block' is just a metaphor for lack of inspiration! It's not an actual square block!!  
  
Mortal Sora: Well, appearantly it is...so what do we do about it?  
  
Tenshi: We must remove it of course! There is no other way!  
  
SF Raziel: But neither of us are strong enough to move it!  
  
Mortal Sora: Okay, that's it. I'm gonna wake up the vampires.  
  
(Mortal Sora hides the staff. The vampires jump up, suddently awake.)  
  
Kain: You! Woman! Are you crazy??  
  
Vorador: You could be more careful waving that thing around!  
  
Tenshi: Look, I'm sorry! I never intended to paralyze you.  
  
Vorador: (sarcastically) Oh, she's sorry now. I feel so much better.   
  
Kain: Listen woman, if you don't behave I'll...I'll...help me out here, Janos!  
  
(Kain turns. Janos is still lying on the floor.)  
  
Kain: ...the hell?  
  
Vorador: What's wrong with him?  
  
Mortal Sora: Hey! Who took his heart??  
  
(Everyone turns around, looking at SF Raziel suspiciously.)  
  
SF Raziel: ....what? Don't look at me! I did'nt take it!!  
  
(There is an inscriminating sound of heart-beats from his direction. The group grows even more suspicious. SF Raziel smiles nervously)  
  
SF Raziel: T-thats just...my own...heart...feeling...a little...nervous...heh heh...  
  
Tenshi: (narrowed eyes) Hand. It. Over.  
  
(SF Raziel sighs. And hands Tenshi the Heart of Darkness)  
  
Tenshi: Thanks...EW! GROSS!!  
  
Kain: (furious) Now if THAT ain't the most IMPUDENT thing...  
  
(Kain walks towards SF Raziel with clenched fists)  
  
SF Raziel: AAAH! No! Please!! I could'nt help it!! It was there, right in front of me!! I could'nt control it, I....NOOO! PLEASE DON'T KILL MEEEEE!!!  
  
Vorador: Umm....aren't you gonna do something, Tenshi?  
  
Tenshi: Yeah. Let Kain beat him.  
  
Vorador: Oh, of course. Just had to ask.  
  
(And so, Kain begins to bloody up SF Raziel)  
  
Kain: ....even though we're gonna have a nearlike father-and-son relationship in the future does'nt mean you can take the still beating heart out of my friends!!! Take THIS ya heart-thief!!  
  
SF Raziel: AHHH!! OWWW!!! What relationship? AAAAHH!! NO!!! AAAIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!  
  
Tenshi: Now, let's give this to Janos...  
  
(Tenshi restores Janos. He sits up, looking at Tenshi with confusion.)  
  
Janos: I...remember. Tenshi? What the hell is going on?? You're not supposed to be h--  
  
Tenshi: No Defiance spoilers, thanks! There might be people who are still waiting to play it, you know. I don't want to ruin it for them.   
  
Janos: But you warned them about the spoilers in the beginning of the chapter.  
  
Tenshi: Yeah, but just in case, right?  
  
Janos: Oh. I see.  
  
Vorador: Hey, what's with that giant block?  
  
Tenshi: Allright, listen up...  
  
***  
  
(Meanwhile. Moebius and the vampires are walking in a park. Moebius is on his moebile)  
  
Moebius: ...what?? They escaped?? How could you let them?? And what about-- My new WAF servant is gone too?? I don't belive it!! You were supposed to look after them, you dorks!! wha'-- What do you mean our security system is outdated?? No, YOU listen to ME...  
  
(The vampires are waiting patiently for Moebius to finish his call.)  
  
Moebius: ...allright, allright. Yeah, go check the cells again. And make sure to give me a call whenever Jenny gets out of the mental hospital, willya? Fine!  
  
(Moebius hangs up. He turns towards the vampires.)  
  
Moebius: He's escaped! Together with my other prisoners! I don't believe this!  
  
V Raziel: So you have no idea where he is now, do you?  
  
Moebius: (nervously) Umm...n-no, not exactly. B-but I can figure it out...  
  
V Turel: Nah, he's wasting our time. Let's just kill 'im.  
  
V Melchiah: YEAH! I wanna skin him!!  
  
Moebius: NOOOO! Please give me another chance--  
  
V Raziel: Relax, relax. I'm not gonna kill him...  
  
Moebius: (sighs in relief)  
  
V Melchiah: Awww.  
  
V Raziel: ...yet.  
  
Moebius: (stares in horror)  
  
V Raziel: No, we may yet use him. And I know someone who may know where my prey is...  
  
(They begin to walk again, and shortly after they are in front of the church.)  
  
Moebius: Umm...what are we doing here, Raziel?  
  
V Raziel: That's either LORD or MASTER Raziel to you, old fool!  
  
Moebius: Oh, I'm sorry! LORD Raziel, what are we doing here if I may ask?  
  
V Raziel: You'll see...  
  
V Turel: Hey, this is where we left those vampire hunters.  
  
V Raziel: Sure is.  
  
V Dumah: But...  
  
V Raziel: You'll see soon enough.  
  
(Raziel then walks towards the bound and gagged Sarafan. He ungags SF Turel.)  
  
SF Turel: Please! Don't eat me!!  
  
V Rahab: Stupid mortal. We don't EAT humans.  
  
V Melchiah: We drink their blood.  
  
SF TUrel: Um, then...Please! Don't drink my blood! Gee, does that sound akward or what?  
  
(V Raziel grabs Turel, holding him up by the throat.)  
  
V Raziel: Tell me where your leader is, whelp.  
  
SF Turel: Argh! No, don't--  
  
  
  
(SF Turel then spots Moebius)  
  
SF Turel: ...what? LORD MOEBIUS?? What are you doing walking with the vampire scum???  
  
(The vampires gives SF Turel an evil glare)  
  
SF Turel: ...ehehehe, I mean these allround loveable and friendly bloodsucking psychoes?? How could you do it???  
  
Moebius: Sorry, my ex-servant. They gave me an offer I could not reject.  
  
SF Turel: What offer?? An offer so good that you'd betray your closest and most reliable allies, even to a bunch of vampires?? That has to be a REALLY good offer, I say!!!  
  
Moebius: Oh yeah. If I do what they say, then I can live.  
  
SF Turel: ....oh....I see. Well, that's IS a pretty damn good offer allright.  
  
V Raziel: You did'nt answer my question, mortal. Where is the leader of the sarafan, Raziel?  
  
SF Turel: I don't know!! I assumed he'd gone to you, Moebius!  
  
Moebius: He did, before I trapped him.   
  
V Rahab: This is useless. Let's kill them all.  
  
Vampires: YEAH!  
  
(Suddently, SF Zephon has gotten his arm free and waves it wildly in the air. In his hand a small sheet can be seen. V Raziel sighs.)  
  
V Raziel: Get me that note.  
  
(V Turel gets the note from SF Zephon and gives it to V Raziel.)  
  
V Raziel: (clears throat loudly)  
  
V Turel: ...What?  
  
V Raziel: (behind clutched teeth) Tureeeeeel?  
  
V Turel: Huh? Oh right! Sorry!  
  
(V Turel quickly takes the note back. V Raziel looks around awkwardly. Turel begins to read from the sheet.)  
  
V Turel: Ahem.... 'In case I don't make it back here, look for me near the dark tunnels leading from the underground trap in the park. That's probably where I'll be. Signed, Raziel, Leader of the Sarafan'  
  
SF Turel: You've had that note all along and you did'nt show it to any of us, Zephon???  
  
SF Zephon: (Guilty looking)  
  
SF Turel: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!!  
  
V Raziel: Hmmmm I wonder what else he knows. Ungag him too!  
  
(The vampires ungag SF Zephon.)  
  
V Raziel: Speak, mortal. What more do you know?  
  
SF Zephon: I say!!  
  
SF Turel: Oh, stop saying that! The readers finds it annoying. As do I.  
  
Moebius: And I.  
  
V Dumah: And I.  
  
V Rahab: And I.  
  
V Melchiah: And I.  
  
V Turel: And I.  
  
V Raziel: And I.  
  
V Zephon: I don't.  
  
(Everyone looks at V Zephon.)  
  
V Zephon: ...whaaat? Okay, so it's a little annoying allright. But hey, I know how we're gonna make him say something else!  
  
(Then, V Zephon tosses a small pebble from the churchyard at him. It hits him in the head.)  
  
SF Zephon: .......................................ow. (passes out)   
  
V Zephon: (proud looking)  
  
V Raziel: ...How stupid. Anyway, let's go! We've wasted enough time here!  
  
  
  
V Turel: We better take the vampire hunters with us, just in case.  
  
Moebius: What, you'll bring them along?  
  
V Raziel: Sure. Everyone, take a human on your back and let's go.  
  
(So, everyone takes a sarafan on their back and begins walking. Well, almost everyone...)  
  
Moebius: PUT ME DOWN!!!  
  
V Melchiah: Oh, right.  
  
(V Melchiah quickly drops Moebius on the ground and takes SF Melchiah on his back instead. Then everyone moves back to the park)  
  
***  
  
Tenshi: ...so we need some strong hands moving that thing away from the entrance!  
  
Vorador: I see.   
  
Kain: Can I have one question?  
  
Tenshi: Yes.  
  
Kain: That last scene took ages to finish, and NOW you're done explaining the situation to us? How do you fit that in??  
  
Tenshi: What? You should'nt even know about the last scene!!  
  
Kain: Why not??  
  
Tenshi: Because I'M the writer! I'm the only one supposed to know!!  
  
Kain: Pah, who cares? Does'nt matter if we know anyway.  
  
Mortal Sora: Sorry to break in, but we need to remove that thing now.  
  
Vorador: Well, you don't suppose WE should do it??  
  
Tenshi: Who else?  
  
Janos: My skin is very sensitive to hard rock. And my nails...  
  
Tenshi: Janos, shut up. If it's any better, then Mortal Sora and I are gonna help you. Happy?  
  
Kain: No, no, no. This is all wrong. We'd never know how to handle it. No, what we need here is a block specialist! An expert!  
  
Tenshi: An expert in blocks?? Well, who do you suggest?  
  
(Kain looks away thoughfully...and smiles.)  
  
***  
  
(Somewhere inside the park)  
  
Ariel: ...and that's when this giant brickwall showed up, and Tenshi told me to go through, and then when I returned there was no one there. I assumed they must've falled down the giant hole that had appeared.  
  
Raziel: And so you came running back to me without even spending the least effort saving them yourself?  
  
Ariel: Hello? I am a ghost for christs sake! All I'm good at is going through things!  
  
Raziel: (under his breath) Yeah, that and talking...wait a second...  
  
(They both stand before a giant rocky wall, with an opening blocked from the inside.)  
  
Raziel: Did'nt you say you were going to show me the BRICK wall?  
  
Ariel: We must have gone too far...  
  
Raziel: Well, sod this. You're a useless guide anyway, Ariel. I'm gonna find that wall by myself, and then you can stay here and admire your ro--  
  
Voice: (muffled, from behind the wall) Raziel? Is that you??  
  
Ariel: Huh?  
  
Raziel: Who's in there?  
  
Voice: Raziel!! It IS you!! Hey everyone, it's Raziel! He's out there!!  
  
(There is cheering from behind the wall)  
  
Ariel: And Ariel! Oh, who cares anyway...  
  
Raziel: ...Tenshi! Is it really you in there??  
  
Kain: (also from inside the wall) Move aside lady, and let me talk to the kid...  
  
(Some 'ungh' and 'oof's can be heard. Kains voice breaks in.)  
  
Kain: Hello Raz. Nice of you to come back. WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, YA BLUE SKINNED FREAK???  
  
Raziel: Hey, it was YOU who left me! You better be glad I came back to save your sorry asses!  
  
Kain: Allright, listen Raz....we're kinda stuck here....  
  
Raziel: As I see.  
  
Kain: We need you to move the obstacle from the outside, so we can get out of here.  
  
Raziel: No problem. What should I do?  
  
Kain: I knew we could count on you, Raz! Now, we all move aside, and then you push the block from--  
  
Raziel: B-b...b...BLOCK???  
  
Kain: Er....yes. Block.  
  
Raziel: ..........NOOOOOOOO!!!! NO BLOCK PUZZLES!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! HIDE!!!!  
  
(Raziel quickly hides behind a rock. From inside, the others can hear him whimper pathetically.)  
  
Tenshi: What's going on?  
  
Kain: (sighs) He became terrified when I said 'block'.  
  
Tenshi: Well, is that so strange? There ain't no real humorous fic without Raziel being terrified by a block. It's gotta happen.  
  
Kain: You're the one making this up! Why do you have to cause so much trouble??  
  
Tenshi: It's a tradition!  
  
Vorador: This is not the time, or place. We must get Raziel to move this block.  
  
Janos: No can do. He's terrified just by the sight of it. Getting him to touch it, or even push it, that's too much for him.  
  
Vorador: Then how the hell do you suggest we get out???  
  
(meanwhile, Ariel appears inside the cave)  
  
Ariel: Umm...hi guys. And girl.  
  
Tenshi: What do we do, Ariel?  
  
Ariel: He's freaked out. I don't suppose you can convince him that the block is'nt a real puzzle, or harmful in any other way.  
  
Kain: Ah great. We're stuck here forever.  
  
Ariel: ...but, perhaps if we had a bait...  
  
Mortal Sora: A bait?  
  
Ariel: Yeah, something that'll make him want to come in here...  
  
Vorador: Is'nt freeing us reason enough to come in here??  
  
Janos: Now I'm just mildly insulted.  
  
Ariel: It's gotta be greater than that. Something he really loathes...  
  
Kain: Well, GIVE US A BLOODY DAMN SUGGESTION THEN!!!  
  
(Suddently there is a big, rumbling sound from the ceiling. Everyone looks up.)  
  
Storyteller: HA HAAAA!!! I am back!! You can never stop me!!!! I WILL get a part in this story!!  
  
Tenshi: Oh NO! Just what we needed!!  
  
Storyteller: I'm not leaving you this time, Tenshi!! No matter how much you yell at me!! NEVER!!!  
  
Kain: This just keeps getting better...  
  
(Meanwhile, outside, Raziel looks up from behind his rock. He hears the sound of the voice from behind the wall.)  
  
Raziel: W...what...the hell? You gotta be bloody kidding me??? I don't believe this!!!  
  
(Then, with only little hesitation, Raziel jumps up, storms towards the block, grabs it with both claws and immidiatly shoves it aside. Light streams into the cave. Everyone looks towards Raziel, who at this point is pointing an accusing claw at the ceiling, all while shouting:)  
  
Raziel: WHO THE HELL LET THE ELDER GOD INTO THIS STORY????!!!  
  
(There is an awkward pause. Everyone slowly turns their gazes towards the ceiling.)  
  
Mortal Sora: So...so the Storyteller is actually the ELDER GOD???  
  
Storyteller: Er....well....um...  
  
Tenshi: You can drop the disguise. It seems that Raziel has discovered your true nature.  
  
Elder God: Ah, hell!! I thought I'd make it this time! I just want to be a bigger part of something, you know!! More than just the evil squid!!! I want a main part!! Is that really too much to ask??  
  
Raziel: Yeah it is!! And now I'm gonna destroy you!!!  
  
Elder God: You can't. I'm a great, disembodied voice. You can't kill me, Raziel.  
  
Tenshi: He's right. Besides, I must return him to Nosgoth together with all of you guys!  
  
Raziel: Awww crap.   
  
Tenshi: But you know, thanks for moving that block outta the way for us.  
  
Raziel: What blo--  
  
(Raziel looks to the block, now moved to the corner of the room. He wides his eyes in realization.)  
  
RAZIEL: I TOUCHED IT!!! AAAAAH!! I TOUCHED IT!!! UNCLEAN!!! AAAH!! MOVE ASIDE, PEOPLE!!!  
  
(Raziel storms down the corridors, screaming. After a moment everyone, even the Elder, sighs.)  
  
Janos: Er, Tenshi, how are you gonna get the Elder god to follow us?  
  
Tenshi: Well, he does anyway, does'nt he? Besides he has no reason to stay here now that he's been discovered.  
  
Elder God: Damn. Did'nt work out this time either, did it.   
  
Tenshi: Anyway, let's move out of these tunnels. Finally.  
  
Vorador: Oh, wait! We need Sarafan Raziel as well.  
  
Tenshi: Oh yeah. Where'd you leave him, Kain?  
  
Kain: Well, I, er, left him down the hall.  
  
Tenshi: What??  
  
Kain: Allright, so I hoped that we were gonna forget about him! Okay?  
  
Tenshi: God dammit Kain, you know that we need all of...nevermind. Let's go get him. AND the other Raziel, of course.  
  
***  
  
That was the end of chapter 6! Next chapter...oh, wait, I'm not gonna spoil anything. You know what, throw me a review and you'll see for yourself! The quicker you review, the quicker I'll update! In the meantime I'm gonna go and make some Defiance fanart...   
  
Thanks for reading the chapter!! 


End file.
